Confession #7: I tend to judge that which is not mine to assess

Well, yesterday I toured areas of London with my brother. There were a TON of things going on all around us in all directions. People boarding boats, getting off trains, walking to work, jogging on their lunch break, begging in the streets, on and on... I was amazed at the plethora of people, colors, sounds, and smells. It took a few minutes to get a grasp on where I was... I kept saying out loud to my brother; I am SO far away from Iowa, I am SO far away from anything I "know" as normal. We both kind of laughed about it, but then we got to talking. We were discussing how amazed we were that there were so many people in the world. We passed thousands of people yesterday as we walked; all people we will probably NEVER encounter again in this life time.All people with a story to tell. Good or Bad. All people that have agendas, and plans, but more importantly, all people who have their very own creative inner self, their own ideas.

As you look around you can't help but notice the eclectic array of appearances. Men and women dressed to the nines, and others in rags. What I started to ask myself was this: What makes me the dictator of what's classy, what's trashy, and other choice phrases about how people appear? If I look at someone in a nice suit and think, "wow, they look nice", then look at someone out having lunch in jean shorts with black tights underneath and slipper type shoes with a bright top and think "what is that?", what am I using as a reference point? Where did I get the idea that one was a classy look and one was less desirable? We had a woman with us on our tour of the Tower of London and do you know what she had on? A black leather corset type jacket with bell sleeves. The sleeves had reddish roses on them. She had a blue silk skirt on with a gold scarf belt, and to top it off... pink Converse tennis shoes. I immediately thought, wow...that's interesting... but no one looked twice at her. No one nudged each other as she passed to whisper a comment under their breath. No one pointed at her, or gave her sideways glances. Why do we? And what about the man dressed in woman's clothes, but not as a cross dresser, just because he wanted to?

Where or when did we get the idea that when someone leaves their house in something that is comfortable and a complete representation of themselves we have the right to "comment" on it? Ok ok, I know I'm going to get the free speech remarks and all of that but.. ok so free speech. Why am I or any of us even concerned with what someone is wearing? Is it really that important? Is it going to change the end result of our day? Is it that important that we have to take time out of our day and effort out of ourselves to make sure we give our thoughts on the matter? Does what they are wearing affect us? NO... heck no... There was another girl on the train coming home. She had a cream dress on with brown boots that came almost to her knee. She had on several large pieces of jewelry and her hair done up. As we rode, she applied extra make up and perfume and made herself "at home". I thought to myself, "Some people would think she's shallow. Some people would think she's vain. But what if she had an important interview and was desperate to look nice so she touched up on the way? Who knows? Why should it matter to me?" Why are we obsessed with what others are doing, or what they have on? Why does it automatically give us an idea in our head of what the person is or is not like, just by looking at them? (And yes I know there's such thing as discernment but this is not discernment at all!!)

I realized that again, we have this one life. I'm living the way I think I should, or the way I feel led. Each person is doing their own thing in life...walking their own way, fulfilling their own destinies. I don't need to take time out of my day to judge others. What am I gaining? I'm certainly not doing anything to help them if I'm judging them. And as for me.. I decided to absorb both ends of the spectrum. As I work to not judge others, I will also not let those who judge, dictate my day. I know that people see me and judge me, that's fine. Waste your time. I will no longer live under the human gavel of judgment. I have but One Judge, a One Man Audience... if I decide tomorrow I want to wear leopard print shoes with a flower dress... I'm gonna do it!!

A Sign or an Attack?

Well.. I think this is another one of those topics that isn't really so much a "confession" as it is a topic of interest to me. Something I've experienced and wondered about. Its one of those things that I find no one seems to agree on.

Let me lay it all out for you. Over the last few months I have been preparing to go to England. I was invited by my brother to stay with him and his family for awhile. I really couldn't refuse such an offer... after all, I am going thru a divorce and I have nothing holding me back. When would I have another opportunity like this again?

So I prepared myself to leave...I started getting bills taken care of and applied for my passport. Then, I noticed that once the ball was rolling, bad things started happening. Things started going awry with my passport, random bills started showing up, I was having to scrounge up money for extra things and it was beginning to overwhelm me. I was having other weird things happen to me as well, like I was being asked out by men old enough to be dad. I would talk to my christian friends about it and ask for prayer about my situation and then I was even getting weird advice from them... things that didn't seem to line up at all and that seemed odd to me as well.

Then, what really got me was that I had people tell me that I SHOULDN'T GO TO THE UK! I had people telling me that this should all be a SIGN...I should take this as a message from God. They were telling me if bad things were happening it must be God and they wanted to know why I was so set on leaving. The other side of that spectrum was people telling me that all the bad things happening were definitely a sign that I SHOULD GO! That it was CLEAR God DID want me to go and SATAN was the one that was trying to prevent me from leaving...

I remained flustered for several weeks, but the end result is that I'm now IN ENGLAND! Did I have more problems even on the way here? YES...I but I pressed thru...I made it.. passport and all... but is there a right answer to all of this? I would think in my mind that if GOD really didn't want me here, He would have had the power to COMPLETELY STOP ME! But He didn't. AND, if it's about my free will and God letting me do what I WANT... will I continue to run in to more problems cause I shouldn't be here? OR will I continue to have problems because God DOES want me here and has huge plans for me that Satan wants to ruin???? Do we not have problems in life when we are complacent and right where satan wants us??? I guess I'll find out as time goes on...