Crossroads

So today's entry will not be a fun life lesson or confession... today is more of a "processing" blog entry... you may choose to exit now if you wish :) haha!!

It's always crazy to me how life changes so unexpectedly sometimes... you just never know what God has in store or where you might end up. Over the course of the last week (well much longer, but more so recently) I have been talking with my brother and mulling over my crazy job. I expressed my concern over how chaotic things have become and how frequently I am getting injured. Things seem to continue to escalate with no relief in sight. I expressed that this, coupled with another situation that recently came up, I am feeling overwhelmed. I feel unhealthy mentally, and emotionally which makes me of course strive hard in my spiritual life. Not that I feel as though I'm going to have a "break down", but I feel like the level of stress at work has me so maxed out I don't function like a "normal" person should. I know that doesn't make sense to a lot of you because it's hard for me to really put into words what my job consists of or what I go through on a daily basis but I'm pretty sure if I could record even one hour of what I endure, you'd all shake your head and say, "How do you do that everyday?" It's emotionally and physically taxing on your body. Everyday is angry kids who have been abused and neglected taking out their emotions on everyone else by having behaviors that consist of throwing things, swearing, punching things and people... the list goes on... when these things happen we have to restrain the clients which then usually is when injuries occur. I've come home several nights with bruises, bite marks, chunks of hair missing, etc. And it seems as though the kids we are getting in are getting worse and worse and they are more violent than the last... If I didn't have to work so many hours to pay bills and be able to live it may not be AS bad... now, please hear me out... this is NOT a sob story, I am NOT trying to get you to feel sorry for me by any means... I'm presenting facts.... 

Through all of this as I have been talking to my brother he has, on several occasions, asked me why I don't move. Moving would mean going to Florida to live with him and my sister in law... I have told my brother that as much as I would LOVE to be close to them and be able to play with my nephews on the beach everyday, I just didn't think it was practical. I told him that I felt the more responsible thing to do would be sticking it out at work and paying off my debt... I told him I was almost debt free and we had figured out that if I kept hammering away I could be completely debt free by March of 2013!! Exciting!!! Plus I think part of me pridefully felt that if I moved in with him I would feel like a complete failure... 32 years old moving in with my brother who's 28... Wow... looks good on my part... So... last Sunday my brother called me again... I was having a HORRIBLE weekend and I started sobbing... I was at work and I had to excuse myself from the unit to talk to him... I just broke... I told him I didn't know how much longer I could continue but that God had not opened any other doors for me.. I have applied for several other jobs but nothing seems to be working out... He of course said... Ummm well my offer still stands... he continued on by saying that they would be home in August and that if I wanted to leave they would take me with them.... I of course spewed excuses and stumbled over all of my words... He told me, "I'm not going to force you to come with us, it's up to you.. just think about it... I'll call you in the morning." Monday morning I went for a jog and tried to clear my head... I went through all the different reasons to stay.... I kept asking myself, ok what else, what else... what is keeping you here....? Later that morning we (my brother and I) went through EVERYTHING together... We talked about the fact that I have friends here, we talked about my involvement in the church... He was so helpful... He even went so far as to say, look... even if Mr. Right is back in Iowa and you live in Florida... no time or distance can prevent God from putting you together... so see.. you have NO excuses!!! (He really did cover everything I could have possibly TRIED to use as an "excuse") He's such a great brother!!! He was really encouraging and edifying and just lifted me up. He said we're praying for you and we want the best God has for you... And the more he talked the better I felt.... That was of course confirmed also by the Lord speaking to my heart and telling me that I needed to make a decision and head in a direction and he would take over from there. I was nervous of course but I started out by putting in my notice at work this week. I said ok Lord... Here I go... I'm either goin' to Florida or I need a new job!!! My stomach was in my throat, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Since I put in my notice I have slowly started to talk to people in my life about what's been happening and I have, to my surprise, received overwhelming support!!! I thought that there would be some "nay-Sayers" who would have things to say like, "well have you thought about..." or "if you leave what about...." but no one has made any negative comments and that feels like further confirmation. Now I'm working on talking to more people and letting God continue to do His thing... Looks like I will probably be blogging from the beach soon!! :)

Magnum opus

Has anyone ever told you you're special?

 Has someone told you how much you mean to them? 

Has anyone ever told you "You're one of a kind"? 

Sometimes, at least for me, I felt silly at the sound of those compliments. There have been times in my life I didn't feel special, I was hurting or broken on the inside and those words felt cheap. There have also been times in my life when those words have come out of someone's mouth and it's something I felt they said out of obligation. Because sometimes life and circumstances affect our relationship with God, there have been times when I had a hard time accepting God's voice telling me "you're special" or God telling me that I'm unique and loved, created by Him!! 

We call God our Lord, Father, the Great Physician, Provider, King, and we also refer to Him as our Creator and The Potter. (See some references: Gen. 5:2, Isaiah 64:8, Philippians 4:19) I guess being created by the ULTIMATE DESIGNER and RULER of the UNIVERSE makes us pretty special... Hand Crafted (Ps. 139:13-18, these read good in NASB and MSG) But do you know what that means... I mean, what it really means..... ??? Since we are each a child of the most high God, the Living King of Glory we ... are... His....

MAGNUM OPUS!!!!

Now, you've probably up to this point understood most of what I said and now you're going.... What the heck is a magnum opus???!!!  The Dictionary defines magnum opus as: A great work of art; literary or artistic masterpiece, the greatest single work of an artist, writer or other creative person!!! Wow... What an honor... Right?!?!?! We are each "individually wrapped", one of a kind, original.... but each one of us... His SINGLE best!!! Hard to wrap your head around huh?? It was for me... some days it still is... some days I think... I'm just a girl... just one person... and you may be thinking that today, you may think that tomorrow, but when life gets you down, when you don't feel special, when you feel like just another person walkin' down Abbey Road (haha) say to yourself... 

I AM GOD'S MAGNUM OPUS!!!!

Dress for the Occasion

Ok, let's think about this for a few minutes. If you go to the gym to exercise, you put on a certain type of clothes, right?? And if you go to a party, you put on a different type of clothes than what you wore for the gym.... Now, sometimes an occasion arises and you want to get something new. A new dress, a new top, something along those lines. BUT usually, a person tries on the outfit first, right?? It just makes sense. You want to make sure it fits right, that you can move in it, things like that. So what happens when you try something new that you didn't try on first, or you didn't "test" first?? Let me tell you, it can be disastrous!

Every morning I go for a jog. It's usually 3 miles and I walk part of it and jog part of it.( I'm working on building up my strength and stamina since I've never been a runner.) So, the other day I decided instead of my workout Capri pants, I would try a pair of shorts. Then I put on a pair of socks that are different than most of my other pairs, and I got ready to go. I got to the park and started my jog...wow.... what a mess I was.... I got going and no sooner than I started I felt like I was slowing down every 30 seconds to adjust the shorts or move my foot around because my sock was rubbing my foot wrong... UGH!! What was I thinking when I got ready??

By the time I finished, my jog time had been significantly affected and I felt more worn out from constantly fixing my clothes than I did from the actual workout!! This of course then got me thinking.... How am I dressed for other occasions. Now, you could take this and run down the modesty road. That's not what crossed my mind though. Maybe because I have never been one to dress "provocatively" or immodestly. But I got to thinking about how "prepared" I am and what I "clothe" myself in. Humility or Pride? Holiness or Self righteousness? Am I ready in season and out of season? Will the things I clothe myself in every day affect "my race"? I realized quickly that I can't get to heaven one day and say, "Sorry I'm late I had put on different socks." or "Sorry I didn't get a chance to witness to that person, I had to leave to change my shirt." How unacceptable... practically speaking even, how would it look for a bride to get half way down the aisle and say, "Sweetheart, can you wait just one second, I need to go change my shoes quick, these are rubbing my feet." Now, a bride might kick them puppies off once she's said "I do" and kissed her groom, but that's a TOTALLY different story folks!!!

I guess it just made me think about what things are important in life. What things I need to work on that are affecting my "race", my witness, my ability to "keep a good pace" (as I talked about before)... I don't want to have my walk (or jog haha) affected by what I'm clothed in.

Here's to choosing an acceptable wardrobe!!!