Over the past several weeks I have been learning a lot about communicating.
Positive and Negative.
I've been learning the
result of assuming, seeing what happens when you hold things in and of course becoming accustom to the taste of FOOT in my mouth, when I speak too soon!! There are many results that come from communicating improperly, as there are when communicating effectively. The beauty of it all is that we are all
unique individuals, with different styles, different ideas, and different ways about us.
Have you ever asked someone how their day was going and they answered but never looked at you. Or have you ever gotten an answer from someone like "I'm good", but their arms are crossed over their chest and the look on their face says a
thousand things besides, "I'm good"!! Yeah, we've all been there. And I would venture to guess, we've all been at both ends of the spectrum!! Here's a few things I'm learning:
First of all, it "does a body good" to be
honest! If you're upset, say so. It's much easier to just confront the fact that maybe you really aren't having a good day. In which case, say so... I'm not saying if someone asks you how you are to give them a long sob story of your entire day. Just respond honestly. "I've had better days", or "Today's just not goin' great". (Hint: It actually doesn't fool anyone when you say you're having a good day and your whole being, your AFFECT, screams: I JUST WANT TO KICK A WALL!!! And yes, I have done this!) I know sometimes, we want to come across as "put together" individuals. Other times, we actually want
attention, so when our affect and words don't match, we're really hoping that someone will notice, and say something! (You know you've done it at least once!!) :)
Ok moving on.....
The second thing to be learned from body language is this: Actions speak
LOUDER than words!! Trust me folks, it's not just a cliche. A mom knows full well that if her kid is being naughty, all she has to do is give a look or make one small gesture and the child knows it's over. Their busted, their in trouble, they better stop doin' whatever it is they're doin'!! Right!?! :) I'm learning that this doesn't work with adults! Giving a look of
disdain, or "huffing" around as I call it, does... NOTHING!! I'm learning that as much as I may not want to, I need to use "my big girl words" and communicate. Rolling my eyes at someone when I'm frustrated that they are doing something wrong doesn't communicate, "You're doing that wrong." It shows disrespect and disgust. It says, "You irritate me" which is usually not the case at all. Instead, the better option, would be to stop the person (again this is just ONE example) and show them and/or explain to them what the problem is. Now if I'm rolling my eyes at someone and I am in fact irritated with them, then I better just get myself in check, generally speaking!!
There are many more things I could say about this topic, and as I said I'm still
learning myself. But the last thing I'm going to share for now is that our affect can have positive effect on people and project a message, just as much as it can negatively. There is great power in a
smile, a pat on the back, or a nod across the room at someone in agreeance. The other part of positive communication (I have found, or am finding) is how I
posture myself when I'm listening to someone else. I try to be mindful of where my hands are, that I'm making eye contact, that I'm not distracting myself with anything (like my cell phone), and that I acknowledge what they are saying. In the world of my last job, we would call it active listening. There is a huge difference, if you think about it, and think about people you've talked to recently. Did they appear to be engaged in your topic? You know how you feel when you leave a conversation and you feel like you spent your time talking to the air, right?? I have been trying to turn that around and
reflect. I try to remember when someone is talking to be respectful, to pay attention to what they're saying, to make eye contact. Even if I'm in a hurry or really have nothing to contribute to the conversation, I try to remember that the other person may truly just need someone to listen for just a minute. If I'm acting as though they are taking up my "precious time" and I don't really care what they have to say, then I'm really doing them a dishonor, not to mention doing my own character and integrity a disservice.
So... there's a little friendly public service announcement for you!! Practice being a good listener this week, smile, and for the love of Pete (whoever Pete is) don't roll your eyes at anyone!! HaHa!!
