Upside Down

So what happens when your world gets rocked? What happens when God turns everything upside down and everything you thought you knew and understood to be true for your life was suddenly not what you thought at all? What happens when God begins to deal with you about your plan verses His? What happens when you get in your prayer closet and LISTEN!! ??

The past couple of weeks I have been hearing people say to me? "So, you like your job? I thought you were going to the mission field?" OR "So you like living in Florida? Like your new job? I thought you were going to work on becoming a Doula?" The list goes on. I began to reflect and pray about where my life is and where my life is going. Or rather, where I think/thought my life was going. At first I shared with several people that my job was more of a means to an end. That I had other plans and this would suffice in the interim. Now let me just pause here and say this. When I first got this job working for Chick-fil-A, I needed a job. I needed to find work to stay afloat. I liked the atmosphere of Chick-fil- A and I liked the values that the company maintained. At no time in my wildest dreams did I believe I would be GOOD at this job. I had no idea I would end up completely falling in love with the brand, the store, my coworkers etc. I had no clue that after my short hiatus to Iowa that I would come back to this job, be promoted, have ideas, lead others, the list goes on.

As I continued on with life in Florida, I got to thinking: None of this is really "in the plan" but things are going well. The Lord is blessing me. I started to get excited about the fact that debt was going to get paid faster and life seemed to have a sense of peace! This must be my stepping stone before I move on to the next thing....

Well... funny how God works sometimes. Funny how he gets your attention when you're least expecting it. (We should probably always be expectant of the Lord ... my bad!) As I was journaling one day God brought to my mind a scripture He had given me awhile back! Isaiah 55:5. The scripture I was sure was my confirmation that I was going to the foreign mission field.

“Behold, you will call a nation you do not know,
And a nation which knows you not will run to you,
Because of the Lord your God, even the Holy One of Israel;
For He has glorified you.”

I have had other confirmations along the way with words of wisdom and edification and prophecy about a people group only I can reach, about a platform I will operate from. Of course that means missions, RIGHT?!?!! As I was journaling and reading and meditating on the scripture again, I really felt the Lord say, "Did you ever ask what My interpretation was?" "Did you bother to seek Me?" I realized in that moment the extent I had gone and effort I had placed in chasing a dream I thought was God given. In seeking a life I thought the Lord was laying the foundation for. This was a moment that put a twinge of panic in my heart. God began to show me why certain things hadn't worked out for me over the last year or so. Why my Doula trainings and births didn't pan out, why I wasn't meant to stay in Sioux City. I began to realize that I had taken these words, dreams, visions, and essentially SNIPPETS of what God was saying and I was running with them. I was acting before praying. I was making plans without a blueprint.

God had given me that scripture, He had given me a dream, He had put those things on my heart. That wasn't the issue. When I then stopped to listen, I understood that my interpretation is not always God's and that by not listening and not waiting I was limiting myself and the Lord.

Now, does this mean I'm supposed to scrap ALL previous plans of action, all hopes and dreams? No. But what the Lord did impress on me was broadening my perspective. Thinking outside the box. I may still very well leave the country, but it may not be permanently. I may still go to the mission field but it might be 5 years from now. I may very well operate as a Doula, but a Spiritual one... there are endless possibilities and my job is to spend time every day with the Lord. To know Him and make Him known. So until He hands down the Marching Orders, I will wait and be obedient in the here and now. I will reach those only I can reach where I'm at now, I will assist others to birth ideas, to hold their hand, and bring life into the world, whatever that may look like. I have opportunities all around me every day to reach out, to be the hands and feet of Christ, but if I'm focused on where I'm going next and what God might want me to do next year, I'll miss those who are in front of me right now, TODAY!

Joshua 1:9

New Living Translation (NLT)

9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Listen for the still small voice... then wait for the translation, interpretation, and instruction! 

Go get 'em!! 

The Living and the Dead

I'm not sure what I'm about to write as I sit here, but the title came to me as soon as I opened the blank page. I haven't written in some time now. Life has been crazy and I'm trying desperately to keep up!

Let me start by sharing a story...what I usually do best. A couple of weeks ago a young lady from the church I am attending was killed in a horrible car accident. She was 24 years YOUNG!! I attended her memorial service and my company also donated food for the meal afterward, so I also set up the catering. When I arrived at the church and met Ashley's family I was in complete shock. I never would have known it was her parents, as they did not show any outward sign of grief. In fact they laughed and talked about how I knew their daughter. When I finished speaking with them about the food after the burial I went in for the service. The pastor went to the pulpit and announced that the service would not be like a "traditional" funeral. He said, "We're gonna do this Ashley style" and invited everyone to stand while the family came in and they began a lively upbeat worship session. As her parents and siblings walked in they clapped and pumped their fists in the air. They joined in with the praise and worship and I immediately sobbed. The moment was one of the most beautiful moments I've ever been part of. One of the most beautiful things I could have witnessed. The service continued and I continued to be amazed. Often times people will have services for their loved ones that they label "Celebration of Life", but I haven't seen anything that has come near to this experience... EVER. I was in awe at the presence of the Lord, at the enthusiasm, and the love in the room.

After a little bit into the service Ashley's dad got up to talk. He spoke so highly of his daughter and shared how she had been the pioneer of the family. She had been the first to find the Lord and had lead the others to Christ. (AMAZING!) He talked about how much fun she was and spoke without a tear. I was in awe. I couldn't believe how strong they were. Her dad ended his speech by asking everyone to pray for the others involved in the car accident. He reminded those present that he knew where Ashley was, but there were other lives at stake and other lives affected and that they needed just as much prayer as her family did. Again, complete shock. What a great testimony. In the midst of such a huge loss, there was true reason to celebrate. Celebrate that Ashley was finally getting to dance before the Throne as she so loved to do in chuch, (practice sessions!!) celebration of how the Lord used her to spearhead salvation in her family, celebration of the other lives that were touched by Ashley all around the world, literally, (She did a lot of mission work.) And celebration that she is now among the Living... the TRUE LIVING!! Her shell among the dead, but her soul... ALIVE and WELL!!

What am I getting at here? I realized a couple of things. (cliche I realize as often that's the case during death.) 1) I want to live a life that is truly celebrated when I take my last breath. I don't want to have people cry and sulk that I'm gone. I want people to say they learned from me, that I showed love and compassion to them. Not because I want people to say nice things about me, but because without these things I'm really the dead one among the living. (on earth anyway) And who wants that? Life should be experienced, breathed, enveloped, taken in, on every level, and poured back out into others. I pray that when I go I'm truly continuing on in my living. 2) I want my family to truly celebrate my life the way Ashley's did. Again not because I want recognition of some sort, (that would be silly since I wouldn't be there anyway!) but because I want them to be confident in their heart that I am with my Maker. Resting in knowing we'll be reunited.

Trust me when I say, I'm really not trying to be a "Debbie Downer", I just really want to challenge you. How's your walk? Are you among the Living? Perhaps you are. But are you living among the Living? Will you step from this existence to eternity without skipping a beat??