Lessons in Letting Go... (I promise, no parody, no singing)

The last couple of weeks as I've continued to settle in back home with work, church, and people in general I have been learning valuable lessons. Lessons in stress free living... or less-stress living might be more accurate! Something I have noticed about myself when I travel is that I'm well... sounds crazy right?! Doesn't make sense? Here's the thing, when I'm in the states, working and striving and walking through life, I find I'm taking things on that aren't mine to own. I'm worried about things I have no control over... Moreover, I have weird health issues that rise up. When I'm out of the country... no matter where I travel, I'm doing so freely. No stress, no worry, NO health issues... I'm well. You'd think I would have noticed a long time ago.. I go on at least one trip a year so certainly I should have figured it out by now... RIGHT?! Um... yeah, not so much... In fact I'm realizing just how much my body is being affected, especially internally. I do believe that some of it is spiritual but some of it is within my capacity to change. 

As some of you may have read or heard, while I was in Nepal I spent the entire week with no luggage! Yep! My bag was the only one that didn't make it! It sat in LA for days before making it to Nepal and finally the day we headed back for the states I was allowed to pick it up from the airport. That week I was left to use the items I had packed in my carry on and then the items that the team so graciously gave or loaned to me. It was a week of borrowing socks, and washing clothes in the shower, allowing them to hang over a banister to dry. It was a week of Nepali soap and shampoo, no journal, no Bible.... And as you may have also heard me say already, it was the most life changing week I've ever experienced. I didn't need my shampoo to get through the week. I didn't even need my own Bible... I know... call me sacrilegious! Was I upset about not having the piece of luggage? Sure. Was I stressed about it... no! I quickly came to terms with the fact that I may or may not see my things..... EVER again... of course one of the amazing ladies there called several times for me to see where my bag could be but after the first day I reminded myself, I was there because there was a purpose, a mission, a people.... lives.... hanging in the balance. It wouldn't have mattered if I couldn't shower all week, or if I had to wear the same clothes. None of that matters when it comes to Eternity. None of it.
The thing is.. I'm learning the same is true here. It doesn't matter what I drive, it doesn't matter if I have cable, it doesn't matter if I carry a designer bag or wear make up. It doesn't matter what my title is or whether I'm involved in every activity possible. What matters is that I listen. That I watch. That I'm walking hand in hand with Jesus every day. That I'm loving people, hugging people, and giving the way Jesus would. Having said that, I'm learning to let go. I'm learning to say no, to delegate. I'm learning that I'm one person who can only do so much and that "so much" needs to start with what the Lord has for me that day. I can't worry about pleasing everyone. I can't make things perfect. What I can do is listen to the Lord. Be obedient. Do my best, and of course remember to take care of myself. Please understand I'm not suggesting it's ok to throw caution to the wind. Neither am I suggesting wandering around looking like a vagabond. There is balance. I have noticed upon returning and sometimes having to "force" myself to adhere to these things I have felt better. I have more peace. I feel more organized.

My challenge to all of you, as I often do: Evaluate where you're at. Evaluate your stress level. Are you trying hard to please people? Are you signing up as a volunteer for every activity popping up in church? (I'm not implying it's bad to volunteer) Are you spending time each morning asking your Maker what His plans are for the day? Try it! Try letting go of concern about what others think of you. Try saying no to something this week....I dare you!! Why? Because someone's life is hanging in the balance, even here. Someone is in need of a friend, a hug. If you're wrapped up in your things, your stress, your worry, even your activities, you could be taking away from what the Lord wants you to do!
Here's to obedience.... here's to letting go!!! (See told ya I wouldn't sing!)

Nepal

Well, it's been a good bit again since I've written...Life is busy yet again... or maybe still is more accurate!  That aside, I've been wanting to blog about my most recent mission trip. I've had it on paper for about a week or so now. Writing is often the only way I process and I find it therapeutic to actually put the pen to the paper. So, the following is my experience in Nepal. This has been, by far, most life changing trip I've been on thus far. I learned the most on the trip than any other, regarding myself, the Lord, and other people... Having said that, here it is, the raw, organic encounters of Kathmandu.

I've had a lot of people ask me this week: How was your trip? How was Nepal?
The thing is, I've been on a lot of trips-I've gotten to experience various ups and downs from stateside trips to trips around the Globe. I've had things to share and stories to tell. But this. This trip was different. This trip was...well-see there's the problem. This trip was a lot of things. This trip is not one summed up in a few short sentences. Sure I can use the ever popular, "Great trip! Life changing!" -line. And it was. I would not be lying or saying something exaggerated! But the thing is, it's So. Much. More. I have hard time with stopping at just the usual quip. It's almost like the "Hi-how are you?" line... that virtually means nothing anymore because people are less and less interested in how you really are; in building relationship, in investing in someone's life and doing life WITH them instead of among them. (And yes I'm well aware of the scripture to be in the world not of it... but that's different...)

Having said all that, I'm having a hard time gauging what I should or should not say. I'm struggling to be silent, to be brief. I'm struggling to keep my emotions in check and find myself with tears welling up - frequently. Some might say it's the "high" of being on a mission trip; that it's the "Church Camp Effect". If you've not heard the term, it's like when a young person goes away to church camp and comes back fired up for Jesus, only to have it "wear off" a short time later. I've asked myself and the Lord, "Am I being a cry baby for no reason?, Am I being over the top? Am I just too emotional?"
Even as I sit and write I hear the Holy Spirit whispering - "I am an emotional being as well. There is no shame in reflecting the Heart of the Father."

I want to tell everyone I see about Nepal. I want to show people the pictures. I want to express the full gamut of all that happened. Moreover, I want others to see, feel, hear, smell, and taste all that I did, all that our team did. I want others to experience, others to know.... do people REALLY understand what it's like to be among the living and the dead? We're in it every day, but do we realize it? In the states we're surrounded by people who for the most part know who Jesus is. They have probably seen a Bible. However, after seeing all that makes up Nepal. Some ins and outs of their religions it made me wonder what others around us are walking through spiritually. How are people around us really practicing religion? How are people seeking God? Are they seeking God? The fact is we're walking among people daily who we may not get to spend eternity with. This is what I mean by being among the living and the dead. In Nepal, we were among the living and the dead spiritually but also literally. Seeing people cremated alongside the river will cause some things in your spirit man to become a little rattled. It makes you question and think......long and hard...Many of us do not fully understand the lengths some people around us go to, to feel like they're earning the love of a god. An impersonal being, shape, animal or otherwise demonic symbol hanging from a door frame, posted on a wall or plastered to their forehead, all in hope that their diligence will bring reward, love, approval, acceptance.
It's made me truly re-evaluate. It's made me take a step back. Am I showing others the love of Christ or am I showing an equally unhealthy routine or ritual? No, I don't have a red dot on my forehead, I don't have a golden elephant above my door, and I don't spin a prayer wheel for any reason. However, what I am doing with my time, money, talents, etc says a lot about who I believe Christ to be in my life. Do people want to be part of that? Am I showing them a path to grace?

In Nepal I was completely overwhelmed with gratitude that Jesus freely loves us; that we don't have to earn anything but simply choose Him. We don't have to perform. We don't have to beg. But now that I'm home, I'm evaluating that freedom in my own walk. I'm asking the Lord to show me what areas of my life need adjusting. I want to say that my life reflects/reflected the Glory of the Lord. I want to lead others to the Throne. I want to see His Kingdom expanded! not because of me - but Christ IN me. The Lord knows my heart is not in this country, but I've vowed to do a better job while I'm here to love others the way Christ does. To allow the Lord to use me the way He does in other countries.

 I've come to a Holy disgust as I've so lovingly come to call it. Disgust with allowing the enemy to have  a foothold. Allowing him to taunt me with thoughts of doubt and disbelief that I can be used here in the U.S. Disgust with allowing him to TRY and steal my joy, my vision. Disgust with him trying to expand his territory. Disgust with just doing church. I'm not who I was when I left and I'm not going back to being her either. So here's the deal. Nepal - it was amazing, it was life changing. I saw, smelled, tasted, heard, and experienced things I never dreamed of. I was on sensory overload. I cried. I loved. I saw people cremated. I saw people give their lives to the Lord. I saw people healed....And I worked alongside an amazing team of brothers and sisters in Christ. We experienced things together that some people only dream of and others hope to never see or witness. I'm humbled and honored that Jesus chose me. Chose this team. For such a time as this. There's no time to waste people. Lives are hanging in the balance. Not just in third world countries. You don't have to have gone on a trip like I did to have your heart opened, your eyes opened.... The time is now. The word is Go... ask the Lord to show you what your part is.