Well... here I sit...befuddled and confused...I had intended to go down the list of these "confessions" and begin blogging them... today as I was getting ready to type up the next one from my notes, I felt God was saying I needed to write about what's been going on in my life right now, and confess my lack of TRUST in the Lord....
For days now I have been reciting in my mind; Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding........ but I realized today I don't know how.... I don't know how to trust with all my heart and I don't like not understanding.... which I also came to realize today means, I don't like not being in control. Guess it just proves I'm human right!!??
I've tried for a long time in a lot of areas to "figure things out", "make sense of it all", or "rationalize" in my mind WHAT is going on in my life..... but...surprise surprise, to no avail...God will not humor me, He will not give me a hint, He will not give me "a sign".... But... today, after a long cry and talk with some family... I realized.... He has protected me, He has guided me in the right direction, He has given me comfort and peace.... and so I ask myself.... "What more do I really need?" The right answer is nothing..... my human and fleshly answer is...EVERYTHING. I constantly ask God "Why?", "When?", "What?"....
but His answer has remained the same, "Be faithful".
In all honesty, I don't know if I know how... but I will continue to pray, and I will continue to give it all to God... over and over again until I learn the beauty and comfort of trusting Him with ALL my heart... **(below is a version of Proverbs I found tonight that breaks it down well)
**The Message version of this scripture which I found much comfort and understanding in:
Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all.
I love this Cas! Very cool.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your heart friend-love you and praying for you always. I wish you were closer!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing Cas. I struggle with the same thing. I want to know what's going on, and I want to know NOW!! God is patient with me though, and He is patient with you.
ReplyDeleteI'm reading a really good book right now and one quote she OFTEN says in the book is this:
"God absolutely will not help you be something that He hasn't created you to be!"