Confession #5: I have allowed my light bulb to burn out

So... never in a million years did I imagine I would be writing this as I go through major life changes, ones I told myself I would never be part of.... I am only grateful that in the midst of it all God graciously continues to teach my ever fragile heart...

Over the last few weeks my husband has been approaching me about divorcing. It's been a long battle. Lots of tears, anger, and more... I have spent days crying, praying, and trying to fight.
As I close a chapter in my life and begin a new one, I have been enlightened to many things. Tonight one of those things that I realized was that, I have let my light bulb burn out. I have been walking around with it dimming and dimming. All the while not realizing it and simply "adjusting". You know how it is, when you go in somewhere and the light is different. You take a minute to adjust...only for me...this has been happening slowly so it was easy to adjust... and now, as I sit here tonight, reflecting I am realizing I've been wandering around with the light burned out! I have had God in my life for a long time, which I will consider my "natural light", being able to "see" by day and by night what was happening in my life, logically, practically, and physically. However, by letting myself get away from church, daily prayer/devotional time, and reading the Word, I slowly let what I will consider my light bulb, to dim to the point of now needing to be "replaced"!

Who have I been kidding trying to do this on my own for so long? As I said, I never walked away from God so I have not been in TOTAL DARKNESS, but by neglecting the "upkeep of my house", I have now had to face this difficult situation and suddenly wondering why, when in reality, if I would have been "cleaning with the light on", if you will, I might have noticed the "dust bunnies" in the corners. This is not to say that I might not still be in a difficult situation right now....However, it might not have hit me as hard.

So...now as time of course moves on... I am learning that there is a lot I need to do for myself. My physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health have all been on the back burner for a very long time. Now that I have realized the need to "change the light bulb", I see my part in my crumbling marriage. Do I want it to end, of course not? But I am learning to let go. It's in God's hands now.

Here's to learning, loving, and new light bulbs!