Lessons in Letting Go... (I promise, no parody, no singing)

The last couple of weeks as I've continued to settle in back home with work, church, and people in general I have been learning valuable lessons. Lessons in stress free living... or less-stress living might be more accurate! Something I have noticed about myself when I travel is that I'm well... sounds crazy right?! Doesn't make sense? Here's the thing, when I'm in the states, working and striving and walking through life, I find I'm taking things on that aren't mine to own. I'm worried about things I have no control over... Moreover, I have weird health issues that rise up. When I'm out of the country... no matter where I travel, I'm doing so freely. No stress, no worry, NO health issues... I'm well. You'd think I would have noticed a long time ago.. I go on at least one trip a year so certainly I should have figured it out by now... RIGHT?! Um... yeah, not so much... In fact I'm realizing just how much my body is being affected, especially internally. I do believe that some of it is spiritual but some of it is within my capacity to change. 

As some of you may have read or heard, while I was in Nepal I spent the entire week with no luggage! Yep! My bag was the only one that didn't make it! It sat in LA for days before making it to Nepal and finally the day we headed back for the states I was allowed to pick it up from the airport. That week I was left to use the items I had packed in my carry on and then the items that the team so graciously gave or loaned to me. It was a week of borrowing socks, and washing clothes in the shower, allowing them to hang over a banister to dry. It was a week of Nepali soap and shampoo, no journal, no Bible.... And as you may have also heard me say already, it was the most life changing week I've ever experienced. I didn't need my shampoo to get through the week. I didn't even need my own Bible... I know... call me sacrilegious! Was I upset about not having the piece of luggage? Sure. Was I stressed about it... no! I quickly came to terms with the fact that I may or may not see my things..... EVER again... of course one of the amazing ladies there called several times for me to see where my bag could be but after the first day I reminded myself, I was there because there was a purpose, a mission, a people.... lives.... hanging in the balance. It wouldn't have mattered if I couldn't shower all week, or if I had to wear the same clothes. None of that matters when it comes to Eternity. None of it.
The thing is.. I'm learning the same is true here. It doesn't matter what I drive, it doesn't matter if I have cable, it doesn't matter if I carry a designer bag or wear make up. It doesn't matter what my title is or whether I'm involved in every activity possible. What matters is that I listen. That I watch. That I'm walking hand in hand with Jesus every day. That I'm loving people, hugging people, and giving the way Jesus would. Having said that, I'm learning to let go. I'm learning to say no, to delegate. I'm learning that I'm one person who can only do so much and that "so much" needs to start with what the Lord has for me that day. I can't worry about pleasing everyone. I can't make things perfect. What I can do is listen to the Lord. Be obedient. Do my best, and of course remember to take care of myself. Please understand I'm not suggesting it's ok to throw caution to the wind. Neither am I suggesting wandering around looking like a vagabond. There is balance. I have noticed upon returning and sometimes having to "force" myself to adhere to these things I have felt better. I have more peace. I feel more organized.

My challenge to all of you, as I often do: Evaluate where you're at. Evaluate your stress level. Are you trying hard to please people? Are you signing up as a volunteer for every activity popping up in church? (I'm not implying it's bad to volunteer) Are you spending time each morning asking your Maker what His plans are for the day? Try it! Try letting go of concern about what others think of you. Try saying no to something this week....I dare you!! Why? Because someone's life is hanging in the balance, even here. Someone is in need of a friend, a hug. If you're wrapped up in your things, your stress, your worry, even your activities, you could be taking away from what the Lord wants you to do!
Here's to obedience.... here's to letting go!!! (See told ya I wouldn't sing!)

Nepal

Well, it's been a good bit again since I've written...Life is busy yet again... or maybe still is more accurate!  That aside, I've been wanting to blog about my most recent mission trip. I've had it on paper for about a week or so now. Writing is often the only way I process and I find it therapeutic to actually put the pen to the paper. So, the following is my experience in Nepal. This has been, by far, most life changing trip I've been on thus far. I learned the most on the trip than any other, regarding myself, the Lord, and other people... Having said that, here it is, the raw, organic encounters of Kathmandu.

I've had a lot of people ask me this week: How was your trip? How was Nepal?
The thing is, I've been on a lot of trips-I've gotten to experience various ups and downs from stateside trips to trips around the Globe. I've had things to share and stories to tell. But this. This trip was different. This trip was...well-see there's the problem. This trip was a lot of things. This trip is not one summed up in a few short sentences. Sure I can use the ever popular, "Great trip! Life changing!" -line. And it was. I would not be lying or saying something exaggerated! But the thing is, it's So. Much. More. I have hard time with stopping at just the usual quip. It's almost like the "Hi-how are you?" line... that virtually means nothing anymore because people are less and less interested in how you really are; in building relationship, in investing in someone's life and doing life WITH them instead of among them. (And yes I'm well aware of the scripture to be in the world not of it... but that's different...)

Having said all that, I'm having a hard time gauging what I should or should not say. I'm struggling to be silent, to be brief. I'm struggling to keep my emotions in check and find myself with tears welling up - frequently. Some might say it's the "high" of being on a mission trip; that it's the "Church Camp Effect". If you've not heard the term, it's like when a young person goes away to church camp and comes back fired up for Jesus, only to have it "wear off" a short time later. I've asked myself and the Lord, "Am I being a cry baby for no reason?, Am I being over the top? Am I just too emotional?"
Even as I sit and write I hear the Holy Spirit whispering - "I am an emotional being as well. There is no shame in reflecting the Heart of the Father."

I want to tell everyone I see about Nepal. I want to show people the pictures. I want to express the full gamut of all that happened. Moreover, I want others to see, feel, hear, smell, and taste all that I did, all that our team did. I want others to experience, others to know.... do people REALLY understand what it's like to be among the living and the dead? We're in it every day, but do we realize it? In the states we're surrounded by people who for the most part know who Jesus is. They have probably seen a Bible. However, after seeing all that makes up Nepal. Some ins and outs of their religions it made me wonder what others around us are walking through spiritually. How are people around us really practicing religion? How are people seeking God? Are they seeking God? The fact is we're walking among people daily who we may not get to spend eternity with. This is what I mean by being among the living and the dead. In Nepal, we were among the living and the dead spiritually but also literally. Seeing people cremated alongside the river will cause some things in your spirit man to become a little rattled. It makes you question and think......long and hard...Many of us do not fully understand the lengths some people around us go to, to feel like they're earning the love of a god. An impersonal being, shape, animal or otherwise demonic symbol hanging from a door frame, posted on a wall or plastered to their forehead, all in hope that their diligence will bring reward, love, approval, acceptance.
It's made me truly re-evaluate. It's made me take a step back. Am I showing others the love of Christ or am I showing an equally unhealthy routine or ritual? No, I don't have a red dot on my forehead, I don't have a golden elephant above my door, and I don't spin a prayer wheel for any reason. However, what I am doing with my time, money, talents, etc says a lot about who I believe Christ to be in my life. Do people want to be part of that? Am I showing them a path to grace?

In Nepal I was completely overwhelmed with gratitude that Jesus freely loves us; that we don't have to earn anything but simply choose Him. We don't have to perform. We don't have to beg. But now that I'm home, I'm evaluating that freedom in my own walk. I'm asking the Lord to show me what areas of my life need adjusting. I want to say that my life reflects/reflected the Glory of the Lord. I want to lead others to the Throne. I want to see His Kingdom expanded! not because of me - but Christ IN me. The Lord knows my heart is not in this country, but I've vowed to do a better job while I'm here to love others the way Christ does. To allow the Lord to use me the way He does in other countries.

 I've come to a Holy disgust as I've so lovingly come to call it. Disgust with allowing the enemy to have  a foothold. Allowing him to taunt me with thoughts of doubt and disbelief that I can be used here in the U.S. Disgust with allowing him to TRY and steal my joy, my vision. Disgust with him trying to expand his territory. Disgust with just doing church. I'm not who I was when I left and I'm not going back to being her either. So here's the deal. Nepal - it was amazing, it was life changing. I saw, smelled, tasted, heard, and experienced things I never dreamed of. I was on sensory overload. I cried. I loved. I saw people cremated. I saw people give their lives to the Lord. I saw people healed....And I worked alongside an amazing team of brothers and sisters in Christ. We experienced things together that some people only dream of and others hope to never see or witness. I'm humbled and honored that Jesus chose me. Chose this team. For such a time as this. There's no time to waste people. Lives are hanging in the balance. Not just in third world countries. You don't have to have gone on a trip like I did to have your heart opened, your eyes opened.... The time is now. The word is Go... ask the Lord to show you what your part is.

Like a Dove

My dear friends...please forgive me... I have not blogged since June 1st. I'm slacking! Actually I've been quite busy! God is good though! Let me take some time to share with you what I've been up to and then share something cool that's been on my heart.

Over the course of the last couple of months... ok several months... I have been busy at work and doing volunteer work for the church as well. I am trying to stay occupied as my family has moved back to Iowa. I love where I'm at and love that the Lord has put me in this place for such a time as this. Please pray for me.... I'm getting ready to go on a mission trip to Nepal. We will leave November 4th. Also, I have started to lead a small group called EQUIP. The group continues to grow every week and today is our 3rd meeting! We are learning about the Holy Spirit and Discipleship.

One of the things I learned last week in studying for our small group was so profound, I had to share with you. It's about the Holy Spirit. In Acts 2 the scriptures tells us:

2 ^1-4 When the Feast of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Without warning there was a sound like a strong wind, gale force—no one could tell where it came from. It filled the whole building. Then, like a wildfire, the Holy Spirit spread through their ranks, and they started speaking in a number of different languages as the Spirit prompted them. (MSG)

Then we see in the Gospels that when Jesus was baptized it says that the Holy Spirit descended "LIKE a dove". Ok so... before we get to the "meat" let me say this... the Scripture does not say, A dove descended on Jesus when He came up out of the water. It also doesn't say, a bird rested on Jesus's head or shoulder when He got baptized. (You know like the pictures, where a pretty white dove, like the kind from a wedding is slowly floating down toward Jesus.) Now... seeing this as I was studying got me thinking... it says LIKE a dove... so... what does a dove look/act like upon descending... let's take a look.

From allaboutbirds.org :
Mourning Doves perch on telephone wires and forage for seeds on the ground; their flight is fast and bullet straight. Their soft, drawn-out calls sound like laments. When taking off, their wings make a sharp whistling or whinnying.

From http://www.oiseaux-birds.com : (Not a Mourning Dove)
It also performs flight displays, flying up steeply with active and noisy wing beats, and then, gliding down in curved way to a perch with spread wings and tail. 

From ncwildlife.org : 

The mourning dove’s flight is swift and darting, while the wings make a
whistling sound. The mourning dove has been timed at a flight speed of
30-55 mph.

Pigeons and Doves: A Guide to the Pigeons and Doves of the World  (again not a Mourning Dove)

 By David Gibbs 

The flight is direct with deep, labored wing-beats.

Do you see the pattern here? The Holy Spirit (I don't believe) came down gently landing on Jesus. Do you remember the Holy Spirit's entrance in Acts 2?? HELLO! That was an event they all saw and felt, and I believe it was the same when Jesus was baptized.

I hear often times people talk about the Holy Spirit being a "gentleman", or a comforter, but I believe there are some times, when the Holy Spirit makes an entrance that is unforgettable and bold. I believe He is our Comforter but I also believe we sometimes take stories in the Bible and make them into a pretty picture. Would it have been an amazing experience to be there at Pentecost or Jesus's baptism? HECK YES!!  But I believe it would have been more RADICAL than our finite minds can comprehend!! I'm still mind blown thinking about it... and I know I'm probably not conveying the emotion behind it very well... after all it is a blog... but if you could see my face or hear me talk about it... you'd know... :)

Have a blessed week peeps, and seek to have a Holy Spirit encounter... You never know... a dove-like event may happen! Don't be alarmed if it's not quiet!

Transparency

Today's entry doesn't really have a life lesson or anything deep to take notes on. (in case you take notes when you read my blog! LOL) But this is just me being very candid and open about life right now, about my walk with the Lord and where I am in life. It may just be a stream of thought at most. 

Over the course of the last week I have been in prayer. Life is changing again and spiritually speaking seasons are about to change for me. I've been trying to spend more time praying and worshipping. I've been really seeking the Lord and focusing on hearing His voice. The last several days I have felt the Lord speaking and impressing things on my heart. Some that are bold and seemingly make no sense. I've had to revert back to my own writing about things not making sense.  Some are quiet whisperings. Words of love. In all of it, I've been overwhelmed. I've doubted, I've cried, I've laughed, I've begged, I've sat in silence. I've thrown out my fleece and the Lord has answered yet I feel I need to ask for further confirmation. 

I've posted some things this week via social media and had friends ask, "so what's going on with you?", "what is all this stuff about your future and seasons changing?". To that I say, I wish I knew. The Lord has been pretty specific about some things and so much so that I feel doubt. That probably makes no sense, but I find sometimes when the Lord speaks so clearly, it can't possibly be Him... weird I know. So I sit and wait to see how those things pan out in to life and the rest of the pieces come together. 

Have you been there before? Have you known the Lord was about to lead you to a new place? It's exciting, scary, exhilarating, and yet you look around every corner to see if you missed it. At least I have... I'm so afraid of missing it... I think because I feel there has been some major things in my life that I have "messed up" if you will and I'm afraid, for whatever reason, that I'm going to miss God's will. I know I'm in a totally different place in life now and I know that God has big things for me, so I'm not entirely sure where the doubt comes from. 

At any rate I wanted just to take time to share. The motto/mission of my blog is, 

Sharing thoughts and ideas, confessions and true stories.  

So I'm putting myself before you to share my heart and hopefully bring encouragement if you're in the same place. If you know God's about change things in your life and you just can't get your mind wrapped around it, know I'm praying for you. Know that the Lord has great plans for you and will bring them to fruition even if you're not ready and even in the midst of doubt! He is faithful. 

This Life

So recently I was in my bathroom getting ready for the day. I felt strange for a split second. I know that sounds silly. For me though, there are certain things that set instant worry through my veins. I think it's due to having a dad that died of brain cancer and a mom who had a breast cancer scare. Small things hit you quick... is that a lump? Why do I have a headache? They aren't just simple things any more. As I paused in that moment I clearly heard the Lord say, "Why are you so worried about this life? ..... It's not yours." There was an instant wave of emotion. Emotion I can't describe... peace, clarity, comfort... all rolled in to one. It's not mine. This life is not my own. The phrase, "living on borrowed time" had new meaning. The scripture, from Corinthians "You are not your own" made more sense. I hear this phrase frequently but it was like the eyes of my heart were opened. I began to think about things differently. I began to think about the longings of our hearts toward things. Myself included. I desire a Godly man in my life that I can come along side. I desire to work in unity with someone to build the Kingdom. But in asking to do that, in praying for a husband, in a man or woman's plea for a child, in a desperate cry for healing of a loved one; ultimately we are asking to borrow a life. Another life, that is also not our own. So now there's the realization that my life is not my own coupled with the realization that our prayers are asking to borrow another life on this earth. It made a lot more sense to me also to then think about why God doesn't always LEND when we ask to BORROW. I don't know that we all realize what we are truly asking.... in short, we are asking to borrow His children. We are, at times, begging, for Him to send us something we want in our heart. But it's like asking your best friend to borrow their baby, asking your boss to borrow their new Mercedes. Those are poor earthly examples, but I'm not sure how else to convey my thoughts. (Maybe I'm too mind blown! LOL) For now I am thankful. Thankful I have the life I have. Thankful that one day my borrowed life will join with another. What are you thankful for? How many borrowed lives have been lent to you in this season? Enjoy them until you have to give them back!! 

Making Sense of it All

This is a note I posted on Facebook recently, so I apologize in advance if you're reading it twice. It was really weighing on my heart so I decided to post it here as well. Happy reading:

I've been noticing in talking with people and reading various posts from friends and family lately, that we put a lot of emphasis on what we THINK makes sense. We ASSUME we know what's best at times and we act or react accordingly. This is not in itself all bad. We all have intuition and inclinations;  however, sometimes we must remember when we walk with the Lord, things aren't always going to make sense. What we THINK the Lord wants or what we THINK would be the "logical" choice or option is not always the case. 

Did it "make sense" for the Lord to require Abraham to sacrifice his son? Does it "make sense" that Sarah had a baby at 90? Did it "make sense" the God would show up as a burning bush? Or that Noah would build a HUGE boat far before any rain/flooding? Are any of these things logical?? Then ask yourself; Is God prompting me to do something that "doesn't make sense"? Is He nudging me to step out on a limb? Is He putting something in my heart that "doesn't seem logical"? Will it take years to achieve? Will people look at you like you're strange? Will people disapprove? Better yet, will it please the Lord? Will it bring blessing to Him and His Kingdom? Will trusting Him make you stronger? Will it make you a different/better person? Are you willing to be looked at strange and shrug off the disapproval? Is that prompting going to lead to joy? (for you and the Lord) 

Don't let opportunity, grace, love, compassion, dreams, excitement, favor, and blessing slip away because it "doesn't seem logical" or it "doesn't make sense" or someone might say something. None of those things matter if the Lord is in the center of it. If He brought you to it or it to you, then don't let it get away from you. Chase it, hone it, strengthen it, cultivate it... do whatever it takes, no matter how much "sense" it DOESN'T make!! :) :) 

To Sacrifice

Alright, here's your warning.... there are some things in life that I get passionate about... maybe too passionate. There are things I get on a soap box about and make no apologies in doing such. That's not to say that I've never spoken too soon and had to re-evaluate. Trust me... I've definitely crammed my foot in my mouth a time or two. At any rate, my post today is regarding a phrase I've heard a lot over the last month or two. Honestly I've been hearing it a lot longer but recently it's become more vocalized, or maybe I'm just more sensitive to it, or maybe it's just that my convictions are stronger in certain areas lately as I feel the Lord working on me.

What phrase am I referring to? This: Sometimes you have to give up stuff now for better stuff later. Or, Making a sacrifice now for better things to come. Or, I'm making sacrifices now so I don't have to later. Or, I'm making sacrifices now so I don't have to tell my family no later... variations of this phrase have been floating around, I'm sure for some time... longer than I've noticed. But for some reason it really has me reeling.... At what expense? What sacrifice is being made and who is being affected? Over the weekend I heard someone say, "It really impressed [Jane] that [Natalie] left her son's baseball game to review this business opportunity with her." I'm sorry but was that necessary? Yes I understand some of you are thinking, you don't have kids, you don't have any room to talk. You're right I don't have kids, but I can't imagine doing that to a child. How does the child feel about their parent missing their game? Is that "business opportunity" worth missing your son or daughter's first home run? And yes I understand things happen, there are circumstances that come up in life where you might have to miss something, and it's out of your control. But when you do have control, when you do have a choice......

I see families saying that it's ok to miss things, or ok to "sacrifice" their time away from their kids or spouses so that in the future they won't have to say no, they can give their kids everything  they need/want. This seems counter intuitive to me. It seems that in SOME cases, working with this mindset puts things off to the point that by the time you are around for your child or spouse, it might be too late. It seems to me that this "sacrifice" sometimes leads to other problems in the home. I have spoken with teenagers and Nannies recently who both see and experience the effects of parents who are working toward a "better future". The teen who's parents aren't ever home, stating they're doing it FOR him. The nanny who says she's dealing with defiant kids because the parents are never around. They're too busy making the best future possible for their kids so in a few years they can retire early and be able to spend all of their time with their kids, traveling etc. Is it worth all of that? Is missing the important stuff now, even if it's small worth losing a lot more later? The kids' respect, a relationship with them.... ?

I'm by no means saying people should quit their jobs and solely focus on their kids. What I am saying is find BALANCE. Even those of us without kids, or grown kids need to find balance. Making "sacrifices" thinking that we're doing ourselves a favor for later is, in my opinion, only setting up a bigger problem later. You may very well make these sacrifices now and in a few years be able to provide everything your family could ever want, but will they appreciate it? Or will they be so hurt that you missed all the stuff in between that now it doesn't matter? Again I don't have kids, but I've been evaluating what I'm doing with my time as well. Who I'm spending time with. What my priorities are. Am I investing in others? Am I spending time first with the Lord to see where HE wants my time, money, and energy to go? Am I letting myself get enveloped with work to the point that I don't have a life? Is my sacrifice earthly or for the Kingdom? What matters in the end is not how much stuff we have or what cool vacations we get to go on. It's who we showed grace. Who we loved into the Kingdom. (no I'm not saying vacations aren't of God or that they're bad) I'm really praying that people will be enlightened. That they'll broaden their perspectives. That the Lord will create Kingdom minded people. Let's ask Him to show us what matters. Let's ask Him to show us where to put our time and energy. Let's be open to rearranging our schedules. Let's SACRIFICE our ideals, our theories, our agendas. I challenge you this week to lay your sacrifice on the altar and let the Lord take over.

Post Mexico...

I haven't blogged in some time now and I'll spare you the excuses of my crazy schedule! :) I don't have anything super deep or terribly meaningful to share but I wrote these words on my way back from the trip this year and thought I'd share. I love how the Lord works in me every year and manages to reach areas in me that seem unaffected when I'm in the states. I guess when you're vulnerable that happens....More to come later this week!

When you spend a week away, in a "foreign" land, without driving yourself anywhere, without eating your "normal" foods. When you wake up everyday to faces you haven't seen in months... some in a year. When you step into a land with faces you've never seen and words you don't understand. When you end the day dirty but bearing a smile. When your heart is full and and your muscles hurt. When you labor for a week in the spirit and labor equally as hard with your hands.
That is when you're changed.

Mexico or Bust!!

Hey folks. I tried to make this a "semi permanent" addition to my page but it wouldn't let me so I'm adding it as a Blog Post! Hopefully it will work!

As some of you know I make a point to go on a mission trip every year! This year will be my third year going with a church in Iowa. Check out my link or my Facebook page for more details and please prayerfully consider how you can be a part of this life changing week!!

Click this link below lableled Mexico Mission Trip to help!

 Mexico Mission Trip

Upside Down

So what happens when your world gets rocked? What happens when God turns everything upside down and everything you thought you knew and understood to be true for your life was suddenly not what you thought at all? What happens when God begins to deal with you about your plan verses His? What happens when you get in your prayer closet and LISTEN!! ??

The past couple of weeks I have been hearing people say to me? "So, you like your job? I thought you were going to the mission field?" OR "So you like living in Florida? Like your new job? I thought you were going to work on becoming a Doula?" The list goes on. I began to reflect and pray about where my life is and where my life is going. Or rather, where I think/thought my life was going. At first I shared with several people that my job was more of a means to an end. That I had other plans and this would suffice in the interim. Now let me just pause here and say this. When I first got this job working for Chick-fil-A, I needed a job. I needed to find work to stay afloat. I liked the atmosphere of Chick-fil- A and I liked the values that the company maintained. At no time in my wildest dreams did I believe I would be GOOD at this job. I had no idea I would end up completely falling in love with the brand, the store, my coworkers etc. I had no clue that after my short hiatus to Iowa that I would come back to this job, be promoted, have ideas, lead others, the list goes on.

As I continued on with life in Florida, I got to thinking: None of this is really "in the plan" but things are going well. The Lord is blessing me. I started to get excited about the fact that debt was going to get paid faster and life seemed to have a sense of peace! This must be my stepping stone before I move on to the next thing....

Well... funny how God works sometimes. Funny how he gets your attention when you're least expecting it. (We should probably always be expectant of the Lord ... my bad!) As I was journaling one day God brought to my mind a scripture He had given me awhile back! Isaiah 55:5. The scripture I was sure was my confirmation that I was going to the foreign mission field.

“Behold, you will call a nation you do not know,
And a nation which knows you not will run to you,
Because of the Lord your God, even the Holy One of Israel;
For He has glorified you.”

I have had other confirmations along the way with words of wisdom and edification and prophecy about a people group only I can reach, about a platform I will operate from. Of course that means missions, RIGHT?!?!! As I was journaling and reading and meditating on the scripture again, I really felt the Lord say, "Did you ever ask what My interpretation was?" "Did you bother to seek Me?" I realized in that moment the extent I had gone and effort I had placed in chasing a dream I thought was God given. In seeking a life I thought the Lord was laying the foundation for. This was a moment that put a twinge of panic in my heart. God began to show me why certain things hadn't worked out for me over the last year or so. Why my Doula trainings and births didn't pan out, why I wasn't meant to stay in Sioux City. I began to realize that I had taken these words, dreams, visions, and essentially SNIPPETS of what God was saying and I was running with them. I was acting before praying. I was making plans without a blueprint.

God had given me that scripture, He had given me a dream, He had put those things on my heart. That wasn't the issue. When I then stopped to listen, I understood that my interpretation is not always God's and that by not listening and not waiting I was limiting myself and the Lord.

Now, does this mean I'm supposed to scrap ALL previous plans of action, all hopes and dreams? No. But what the Lord did impress on me was broadening my perspective. Thinking outside the box. I may still very well leave the country, but it may not be permanently. I may still go to the mission field but it might be 5 years from now. I may very well operate as a Doula, but a Spiritual one... there are endless possibilities and my job is to spend time every day with the Lord. To know Him and make Him known. So until He hands down the Marching Orders, I will wait and be obedient in the here and now. I will reach those only I can reach where I'm at now, I will assist others to birth ideas, to hold their hand, and bring life into the world, whatever that may look like. I have opportunities all around me every day to reach out, to be the hands and feet of Christ, but if I'm focused on where I'm going next and what God might want me to do next year, I'll miss those who are in front of me right now, TODAY!

Joshua 1:9

New Living Translation (NLT)

9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Listen for the still small voice... then wait for the translation, interpretation, and instruction! 

Go get 'em!! 

The Living and the Dead

I'm not sure what I'm about to write as I sit here, but the title came to me as soon as I opened the blank page. I haven't written in some time now. Life has been crazy and I'm trying desperately to keep up!

Let me start by sharing a story...what I usually do best. A couple of weeks ago a young lady from the church I am attending was killed in a horrible car accident. She was 24 years YOUNG!! I attended her memorial service and my company also donated food for the meal afterward, so I also set up the catering. When I arrived at the church and met Ashley's family I was in complete shock. I never would have known it was her parents, as they did not show any outward sign of grief. In fact they laughed and talked about how I knew their daughter. When I finished speaking with them about the food after the burial I went in for the service. The pastor went to the pulpit and announced that the service would not be like a "traditional" funeral. He said, "We're gonna do this Ashley style" and invited everyone to stand while the family came in and they began a lively upbeat worship session. As her parents and siblings walked in they clapped and pumped their fists in the air. They joined in with the praise and worship and I immediately sobbed. The moment was one of the most beautiful moments I've ever been part of. One of the most beautiful things I could have witnessed. The service continued and I continued to be amazed. Often times people will have services for their loved ones that they label "Celebration of Life", but I haven't seen anything that has come near to this experience... EVER. I was in awe at the presence of the Lord, at the enthusiasm, and the love in the room.

After a little bit into the service Ashley's dad got up to talk. He spoke so highly of his daughter and shared how she had been the pioneer of the family. She had been the first to find the Lord and had lead the others to Christ. (AMAZING!) He talked about how much fun she was and spoke without a tear. I was in awe. I couldn't believe how strong they were. Her dad ended his speech by asking everyone to pray for the others involved in the car accident. He reminded those present that he knew where Ashley was, but there were other lives at stake and other lives affected and that they needed just as much prayer as her family did. Again, complete shock. What a great testimony. In the midst of such a huge loss, there was true reason to celebrate. Celebrate that Ashley was finally getting to dance before the Throne as she so loved to do in chuch, (practice sessions!!) celebration of how the Lord used her to spearhead salvation in her family, celebration of the other lives that were touched by Ashley all around the world, literally, (She did a lot of mission work.) And celebration that she is now among the Living... the TRUE LIVING!! Her shell among the dead, but her soul... ALIVE and WELL!!

What am I getting at here? I realized a couple of things. (cliche I realize as often that's the case during death.) 1) I want to live a life that is truly celebrated when I take my last breath. I don't want to have people cry and sulk that I'm gone. I want people to say they learned from me, that I showed love and compassion to them. Not because I want people to say nice things about me, but because without these things I'm really the dead one among the living. (on earth anyway) And who wants that? Life should be experienced, breathed, enveloped, taken in, on every level, and poured back out into others. I pray that when I go I'm truly continuing on in my living. 2) I want my family to truly celebrate my life the way Ashley's did. Again not because I want recognition of some sort, (that would be silly since I wouldn't be there anyway!) but because I want them to be confident in their heart that I am with my Maker. Resting in knowing we'll be reunited.

Trust me when I say, I'm really not trying to be a "Debbie Downer", I just really want to challenge you. How's your walk? Are you among the Living? Perhaps you are. But are you living among the Living? Will you step from this existence to eternity without skipping a beat??