This Life

So recently I was in my bathroom getting ready for the day. I felt strange for a split second. I know that sounds silly. For me though, there are certain things that set instant worry through my veins. I think it's due to having a dad that died of brain cancer and a mom who had a breast cancer scare. Small things hit you quick... is that a lump? Why do I have a headache? They aren't just simple things any more. As I paused in that moment I clearly heard the Lord say, "Why are you so worried about this life? ..... It's not yours." There was an instant wave of emotion. Emotion I can't describe... peace, clarity, comfort... all rolled in to one. It's not mine. This life is not my own. The phrase, "living on borrowed time" had new meaning. The scripture, from Corinthians "You are not your own" made more sense. I hear this phrase frequently but it was like the eyes of my heart were opened. I began to think about things differently. I began to think about the longings of our hearts toward things. Myself included. I desire a Godly man in my life that I can come along side. I desire to work in unity with someone to build the Kingdom. But in asking to do that, in praying for a husband, in a man or woman's plea for a child, in a desperate cry for healing of a loved one; ultimately we are asking to borrow a life. Another life, that is also not our own. So now there's the realization that my life is not my own coupled with the realization that our prayers are asking to borrow another life on this earth. It made a lot more sense to me also to then think about why God doesn't always LEND when we ask to BORROW. I don't know that we all realize what we are truly asking.... in short, we are asking to borrow His children. We are, at times, begging, for Him to send us something we want in our heart. But it's like asking your best friend to borrow their baby, asking your boss to borrow their new Mercedes. Those are poor earthly examples, but I'm not sure how else to convey my thoughts. (Maybe I'm too mind blown! LOL) For now I am thankful. Thankful I have the life I have. Thankful that one day my borrowed life will join with another. What are you thankful for? How many borrowed lives have been lent to you in this season? Enjoy them until you have to give them back!! 

Making Sense of it All

This is a note I posted on Facebook recently, so I apologize in advance if you're reading it twice. It was really weighing on my heart so I decided to post it here as well. Happy reading:

I've been noticing in talking with people and reading various posts from friends and family lately, that we put a lot of emphasis on what we THINK makes sense. We ASSUME we know what's best at times and we act or react accordingly. This is not in itself all bad. We all have intuition and inclinations;  however, sometimes we must remember when we walk with the Lord, things aren't always going to make sense. What we THINK the Lord wants or what we THINK would be the "logical" choice or option is not always the case. 

Did it "make sense" for the Lord to require Abraham to sacrifice his son? Does it "make sense" that Sarah had a baby at 90? Did it "make sense" the God would show up as a burning bush? Or that Noah would build a HUGE boat far before any rain/flooding? Are any of these things logical?? Then ask yourself; Is God prompting me to do something that "doesn't make sense"? Is He nudging me to step out on a limb? Is He putting something in my heart that "doesn't seem logical"? Will it take years to achieve? Will people look at you like you're strange? Will people disapprove? Better yet, will it please the Lord? Will it bring blessing to Him and His Kingdom? Will trusting Him make you stronger? Will it make you a different/better person? Are you willing to be looked at strange and shrug off the disapproval? Is that prompting going to lead to joy? (for you and the Lord) 

Don't let opportunity, grace, love, compassion, dreams, excitement, favor, and blessing slip away because it "doesn't seem logical" or it "doesn't make sense" or someone might say something. None of those things matter if the Lord is in the center of it. If He brought you to it or it to you, then don't let it get away from you. Chase it, hone it, strengthen it, cultivate it... do whatever it takes, no matter how much "sense" it DOESN'T make!! :) :) 

To Sacrifice

Alright, here's your warning.... there are some things in life that I get passionate about... maybe too passionate. There are things I get on a soap box about and make no apologies in doing such. That's not to say that I've never spoken too soon and had to re-evaluate. Trust me... I've definitely crammed my foot in my mouth a time or two. At any rate, my post today is regarding a phrase I've heard a lot over the last month or two. Honestly I've been hearing it a lot longer but recently it's become more vocalized, or maybe I'm just more sensitive to it, or maybe it's just that my convictions are stronger in certain areas lately as I feel the Lord working on me.

What phrase am I referring to? This: Sometimes you have to give up stuff now for better stuff later. Or, Making a sacrifice now for better things to come. Or, I'm making sacrifices now so I don't have to later. Or, I'm making sacrifices now so I don't have to tell my family no later... variations of this phrase have been floating around, I'm sure for some time... longer than I've noticed. But for some reason it really has me reeling.... At what expense? What sacrifice is being made and who is being affected? Over the weekend I heard someone say, "It really impressed [Jane] that [Natalie] left her son's baseball game to review this business opportunity with her." I'm sorry but was that necessary? Yes I understand some of you are thinking, you don't have kids, you don't have any room to talk. You're right I don't have kids, but I can't imagine doing that to a child. How does the child feel about their parent missing their game? Is that "business opportunity" worth missing your son or daughter's first home run? And yes I understand things happen, there are circumstances that come up in life where you might have to miss something, and it's out of your control. But when you do have control, when you do have a choice......

I see families saying that it's ok to miss things, or ok to "sacrifice" their time away from their kids or spouses so that in the future they won't have to say no, they can give their kids everything  they need/want. This seems counter intuitive to me. It seems that in SOME cases, working with this mindset puts things off to the point that by the time you are around for your child or spouse, it might be too late. It seems to me that this "sacrifice" sometimes leads to other problems in the home. I have spoken with teenagers and Nannies recently who both see and experience the effects of parents who are working toward a "better future". The teen who's parents aren't ever home, stating they're doing it FOR him. The nanny who says she's dealing with defiant kids because the parents are never around. They're too busy making the best future possible for their kids so in a few years they can retire early and be able to spend all of their time with their kids, traveling etc. Is it worth all of that? Is missing the important stuff now, even if it's small worth losing a lot more later? The kids' respect, a relationship with them.... ?

I'm by no means saying people should quit their jobs and solely focus on their kids. What I am saying is find BALANCE. Even those of us without kids, or grown kids need to find balance. Making "sacrifices" thinking that we're doing ourselves a favor for later is, in my opinion, only setting up a bigger problem later. You may very well make these sacrifices now and in a few years be able to provide everything your family could ever want, but will they appreciate it? Or will they be so hurt that you missed all the stuff in between that now it doesn't matter? Again I don't have kids, but I've been evaluating what I'm doing with my time as well. Who I'm spending time with. What my priorities are. Am I investing in others? Am I spending time first with the Lord to see where HE wants my time, money, and energy to go? Am I letting myself get enveloped with work to the point that I don't have a life? Is my sacrifice earthly or for the Kingdom? What matters in the end is not how much stuff we have or what cool vacations we get to go on. It's who we showed grace. Who we loved into the Kingdom. (no I'm not saying vacations aren't of God or that they're bad) I'm really praying that people will be enlightened. That they'll broaden their perspectives. That the Lord will create Kingdom minded people. Let's ask Him to show us what matters. Let's ask Him to show us where to put our time and energy. Let's be open to rearranging our schedules. Let's SACRIFICE our ideals, our theories, our agendas. I challenge you this week to lay your sacrifice on the altar and let the Lord take over.

Post Mexico...

I haven't blogged in some time now and I'll spare you the excuses of my crazy schedule! :) I don't have anything super deep or terribly meaningful to share but I wrote these words on my way back from the trip this year and thought I'd share. I love how the Lord works in me every year and manages to reach areas in me that seem unaffected when I'm in the states. I guess when you're vulnerable that happens....More to come later this week!

When you spend a week away, in a "foreign" land, without driving yourself anywhere, without eating your "normal" foods. When you wake up everyday to faces you haven't seen in months... some in a year. When you step into a land with faces you've never seen and words you don't understand. When you end the day dirty but bearing a smile. When your heart is full and and your muscles hurt. When you labor for a week in the spirit and labor equally as hard with your hands.
That is when you're changed.

Mexico or Bust!!

Hey folks. I tried to make this a "semi permanent" addition to my page but it wouldn't let me so I'm adding it as a Blog Post! Hopefully it will work!

As some of you know I make a point to go on a mission trip every year! This year will be my third year going with a church in Iowa. Check out my link or my Facebook page for more details and please prayerfully consider how you can be a part of this life changing week!!

Click this link below lableled Mexico Mission Trip to help!

 Mexico Mission Trip

Upside Down

So what happens when your world gets rocked? What happens when God turns everything upside down and everything you thought you knew and understood to be true for your life was suddenly not what you thought at all? What happens when God begins to deal with you about your plan verses His? What happens when you get in your prayer closet and LISTEN!! ??

The past couple of weeks I have been hearing people say to me? "So, you like your job? I thought you were going to the mission field?" OR "So you like living in Florida? Like your new job? I thought you were going to work on becoming a Doula?" The list goes on. I began to reflect and pray about where my life is and where my life is going. Or rather, where I think/thought my life was going. At first I shared with several people that my job was more of a means to an end. That I had other plans and this would suffice in the interim. Now let me just pause here and say this. When I first got this job working for Chick-fil-A, I needed a job. I needed to find work to stay afloat. I liked the atmosphere of Chick-fil- A and I liked the values that the company maintained. At no time in my wildest dreams did I believe I would be GOOD at this job. I had no idea I would end up completely falling in love with the brand, the store, my coworkers etc. I had no clue that after my short hiatus to Iowa that I would come back to this job, be promoted, have ideas, lead others, the list goes on.

As I continued on with life in Florida, I got to thinking: None of this is really "in the plan" but things are going well. The Lord is blessing me. I started to get excited about the fact that debt was going to get paid faster and life seemed to have a sense of peace! This must be my stepping stone before I move on to the next thing....

Well... funny how God works sometimes. Funny how he gets your attention when you're least expecting it. (We should probably always be expectant of the Lord ... my bad!) As I was journaling one day God brought to my mind a scripture He had given me awhile back! Isaiah 55:5. The scripture I was sure was my confirmation that I was going to the foreign mission field.

“Behold, you will call a nation you do not know,
And a nation which knows you not will run to you,
Because of the Lord your God, even the Holy One of Israel;
For He has glorified you.”

I have had other confirmations along the way with words of wisdom and edification and prophecy about a people group only I can reach, about a platform I will operate from. Of course that means missions, RIGHT?!?!! As I was journaling and reading and meditating on the scripture again, I really felt the Lord say, "Did you ever ask what My interpretation was?" "Did you bother to seek Me?" I realized in that moment the extent I had gone and effort I had placed in chasing a dream I thought was God given. In seeking a life I thought the Lord was laying the foundation for. This was a moment that put a twinge of panic in my heart. God began to show me why certain things hadn't worked out for me over the last year or so. Why my Doula trainings and births didn't pan out, why I wasn't meant to stay in Sioux City. I began to realize that I had taken these words, dreams, visions, and essentially SNIPPETS of what God was saying and I was running with them. I was acting before praying. I was making plans without a blueprint.

God had given me that scripture, He had given me a dream, He had put those things on my heart. That wasn't the issue. When I then stopped to listen, I understood that my interpretation is not always God's and that by not listening and not waiting I was limiting myself and the Lord.

Now, does this mean I'm supposed to scrap ALL previous plans of action, all hopes and dreams? No. But what the Lord did impress on me was broadening my perspective. Thinking outside the box. I may still very well leave the country, but it may not be permanently. I may still go to the mission field but it might be 5 years from now. I may very well operate as a Doula, but a Spiritual one... there are endless possibilities and my job is to spend time every day with the Lord. To know Him and make Him known. So until He hands down the Marching Orders, I will wait and be obedient in the here and now. I will reach those only I can reach where I'm at now, I will assist others to birth ideas, to hold their hand, and bring life into the world, whatever that may look like. I have opportunities all around me every day to reach out, to be the hands and feet of Christ, but if I'm focused on where I'm going next and what God might want me to do next year, I'll miss those who are in front of me right now, TODAY!

Joshua 1:9

New Living Translation (NLT)

9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Listen for the still small voice... then wait for the translation, interpretation, and instruction! 

Go get 'em!! 

The Living and the Dead

I'm not sure what I'm about to write as I sit here, but the title came to me as soon as I opened the blank page. I haven't written in some time now. Life has been crazy and I'm trying desperately to keep up!

Let me start by sharing a story...what I usually do best. A couple of weeks ago a young lady from the church I am attending was killed in a horrible car accident. She was 24 years YOUNG!! I attended her memorial service and my company also donated food for the meal afterward, so I also set up the catering. When I arrived at the church and met Ashley's family I was in complete shock. I never would have known it was her parents, as they did not show any outward sign of grief. In fact they laughed and talked about how I knew their daughter. When I finished speaking with them about the food after the burial I went in for the service. The pastor went to the pulpit and announced that the service would not be like a "traditional" funeral. He said, "We're gonna do this Ashley style" and invited everyone to stand while the family came in and they began a lively upbeat worship session. As her parents and siblings walked in they clapped and pumped their fists in the air. They joined in with the praise and worship and I immediately sobbed. The moment was one of the most beautiful moments I've ever been part of. One of the most beautiful things I could have witnessed. The service continued and I continued to be amazed. Often times people will have services for their loved ones that they label "Celebration of Life", but I haven't seen anything that has come near to this experience... EVER. I was in awe at the presence of the Lord, at the enthusiasm, and the love in the room.

After a little bit into the service Ashley's dad got up to talk. He spoke so highly of his daughter and shared how she had been the pioneer of the family. She had been the first to find the Lord and had lead the others to Christ. (AMAZING!) He talked about how much fun she was and spoke without a tear. I was in awe. I couldn't believe how strong they were. Her dad ended his speech by asking everyone to pray for the others involved in the car accident. He reminded those present that he knew where Ashley was, but there were other lives at stake and other lives affected and that they needed just as much prayer as her family did. Again, complete shock. What a great testimony. In the midst of such a huge loss, there was true reason to celebrate. Celebrate that Ashley was finally getting to dance before the Throne as she so loved to do in chuch, (practice sessions!!) celebration of how the Lord used her to spearhead salvation in her family, celebration of the other lives that were touched by Ashley all around the world, literally, (She did a lot of mission work.) And celebration that she is now among the Living... the TRUE LIVING!! Her shell among the dead, but her soul... ALIVE and WELL!!

What am I getting at here? I realized a couple of things. (cliche I realize as often that's the case during death.) 1) I want to live a life that is truly celebrated when I take my last breath. I don't want to have people cry and sulk that I'm gone. I want people to say they learned from me, that I showed love and compassion to them. Not because I want people to say nice things about me, but because without these things I'm really the dead one among the living. (on earth anyway) And who wants that? Life should be experienced, breathed, enveloped, taken in, on every level, and poured back out into others. I pray that when I go I'm truly continuing on in my living. 2) I want my family to truly celebrate my life the way Ashley's did. Again not because I want recognition of some sort, (that would be silly since I wouldn't be there anyway!) but because I want them to be confident in their heart that I am with my Maker. Resting in knowing we'll be reunited.

Trust me when I say, I'm really not trying to be a "Debbie Downer", I just really want to challenge you. How's your walk? Are you among the Living? Perhaps you are. But are you living among the Living? Will you step from this existence to eternity without skipping a beat??