Ok... so on to the "good stuff"!! Over the course of the last few weeks God has slowly been breaking down all of the things I felt while in Mexico but hadn't yet sorted out. I felt so many emotions, and knew He was doing BIG stuff on the inside of me, it has been a matter of praying through it and letting Him show me and teach me!! If you remember I related the spiritual discombobulation of events to being on an operating table and being taken apart!! So now, in "physical therapy" and "recovery" it's all starting to come together!! HEALING in a sense.
So, this last week as I was reading through 1 Peter, I came across scripture that was directed at wives. I was reading in The Message, which I love just for the sake of reading, not necessarily studying the Word, and of course being in my singleness mindset, I thought, "Well, this doesn't really apply to me right now." I continued reading however, and in fact reread a few verses and felt strongly corrected in my assumption. God reminded me that though it address wives, I needed to evaluate some things in my heart.
Before I share more, here is how the scripture reads:
1 The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated 2 by your life of holy beauty. 3 What matters is not your outer appearance - the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes - 4 but your inner disposition. 5 The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. (1 Peter 3:1-5)
Let me first of all throw out a small disclaimer: I have never been a huge fashion guru and I'm not someone who freaks out if I don't have make up on.
Now, having said that... the 2 phrases that caught my attention were verses 2 and 4! "your life of holy beauty" and "your inner disposition". WOW!! I reread and reread.... do I even know what "holy beauty" means? What is my "inner disposition"? (I think I have a good one haha, but I know we are ever changing beings who always need to do better than their best)
Certainly these are not things I can cultivate on my own, but immediately I knew I wanted it!! I can be nice, no problem there, but is it who I am in the inner most part of my being? Do I emanate Christ, His love, His compassion...??
Here are a couple definitions of Disposition.
1.
the predominant or prevailing tendency of one's spirits;natural mental and emotional outlook or
mood; characteristic attitude: a girl with a pleasant disposition.
2.
state of mind regarding something; inclination
Now, having read that...I know I have work to do!! Not because I think I'm a bad person, but because I know I can do better. I want to do better. I want my witness, who I am, to be something that draws the lost to the Lord. "Natural mental AND emotional outlook"... I'm not sure that my mental AND emotional outlook are Natural!! Do I sometimes get down on myself, do I sometimes feel as though I'm not good enough, sure... When it comes to my outlook on myself physically I know that I am doing A LOT to better myself. I go to the gym, I eat healthy... I work at it... and it's paying off... I've lost 20 pounds and 3 dress sizes in a year and still going... but I know that there is more I can do to cultivate the INNER beauty as well... I can keep working on my outward appearance, but it will do me no good to look nice and tell people I love God if it is not part of my NATURAL mental and emotional outlook, my state of mind... my inner most being....
Here's to working out, not at the gym, but in my prayer closet, continuing to cultivate my inner beauty....
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