A Shock to the System

On a recent early morning trip to the beach I had decided that I was going to lay out for a little while, get a tan, get warm, relax..... my "logic" was: since it was before noon, the water would be chilly and if I "heated up a bit" in the sun, I'd appreciate the cool ocean water when I got in. Well... I went with my brother and the rest of the family, plus another couple and their child as well.... laying out became an idea of the past, and quickly, before I knew it I was being "drug" to the water.... "C'mon Auntie Cas, C'mon...." so... into the water I went and YIKES.... it was COLD!! You know the feeling.. that complete shock that jolts you all at once when you hit cold water.... yeah... there was no easin' in to anything or gettin' warmed up.... Of course, if you've experienced this, you also know that you do, eventually, get used to the water, it feels good and you enjoy being in the water... it got warmer the longer we were there as well, as in, the temperature, so that made it more enjoyable to be in the water as well.

Today in church I entered in to worship on a deep level, a level that made me really feel like I was connecting with God, and getting "answers"! (I have discovered that God tends to speak to me when I'm not expecting it and when I'm not sitting and begging for Him to talk to me or give me answers.)  What does any of this have to do with cold ocean water?? I know you're wondering....

This afternoon when I was processing all that I felt like God had done in church (in me) I realized that my experience since coming here has been like getting in the cold water. I left everything in Sioux City, rapidly. I felt it was the best decision at the time. I felt that God told me to make a decision and go with it and He would lead me from there. There was no "getting warmed up" to the idea of moving. There was no "laying out" for a little while to relax and think! It was go time. I had an opportunity to make a clean break from things going south at work and with other situations in Sioux City. I had to just "get in the water". Then today... I felt like I hit the point where the "water" wasn't such a shock to my system any more. I felt as though I was starting to enjoy the "water", feeling good in it... Today I felt like the Lord said, "It's ok!" And that to me was enjoying the water... I felt like He said it was ok that I have NO clue what's around the corner next, it's ok if I stay here, it's ok if I go back to Iowa, it's ok if I don't have all the answers, it's ok that I don't work in a job using my degree right now, it's ok that I MISS IOWA TERRIBLY!!!! I just had a lot of peace and felt I could kind of take the pressure off of myself that I had put there! I had this mentality that I had to have answers, and that I NEEDED to know what was next, I needed to start planning and looking ahead. (Those aren't bad things by the way.... but there is freedom in having a plan and then being adaptable when God changes it!) I love the fact that I'm here right now. Is it hard? Yes, harder than I ever imagined, and harder to go through than lots of other things I have faced in life (and I know some people won't understand that). I'm blessed to be near family, to have this as an opportunity but I have no clue how long it will last. It could be time to "leave the beach" figuratively and literally, at any given time and I have to be ok with whatever God tells me to do. Stay, Go, Move to Antarctica.... I need to be obedient even if I don't like it. (I learned that in church today too! It's ok to not like God's plan... Job didn't like God's plan, Jesus didn't even like God's plan and asked Him to take it away/change it, but both were obedient and followed through!) I can say this: I have a job right now where I finally feel appreciated and work in a job that I can leave at work without it "haunting" me at night and stressing me out, I have realized I left things and people unappreciated as well, I have more of a thankful heart now than I ever have, I enjoy life more each day for what it's worth, and I am learning the art of not living for others!!

Here's hoping your "trip to the beach" isn't as "shocking" as mine!!

Crazy Cas :)

Well, Today's entry will a bit lengthy, and it's not really an entry with a "lesson" per se. This is something I posted on Facebook and something that I update periodically for my own personal growth. Some of you have already read this so forgive me... Sometimes the Lord leads me to share it, sometimes it's for my own reflection. This time I felt it was something I needed to update and share. I challenge you to read it and reflect on your own life, where you have come from and where you are going! Here's to our ever changing journey!

So I challenged myself to step out on a limb awhile back, I wanted to “identify” myself, describe myself… do I really KNOW who I am…. I needed an opportunity to put myself out there…  I needed to really think about how I got where I am and who I believe I am in the Lord… I needed a “safe” arena and I believe this is it… Bear with me… this is more for my benefit than yours!! (I did this previously when I was in a bad place so this is also a bit of redemption and healing, and I like to update it as my journey progresses!!)

I’m 32 years old, yes basic I know… I LOVE animals and I love to be outside, but I HATE the cold. I get cold easy and I’m kind of a weenie in that respect! In the winter I need layers and often wonder why I chose to live in Iowa for so stinkin’ long. I love to golf, I played varsity for 3 years in high school and although I’m not the best in the world, I enjoy every minute of the course, any course!! I was married and divorced, I do not have children. I have always wanted to be a mother and felt I would be a good mother. I have often wondered if I was cut out for the actual act of child bearing however (my own insecurity of some sort) and in that respect maybe one day I will join a “pre made” family! :) I could be the “cool step mom”! Ha! Maybe not… but these are in fact, things I think about… And there’s my goofy side… I love to joke around and whoever gets the great honor and scary privilege of being my mate one day will have to deal with my witty and sometimes lame humor!! Ha Ha!! I love, love, love music. I will listen to almost anything. I am usually humming a tune or have something running through my head if I don’t have K-Love or my iPod on. I can possibly be found dancing around randomly and singing on the weekends also if I’m not cleaning or organizing something. I wouldn’t say I’m a “clean freak” but I’m fairly organized and most everything has “its place”. I love to road trip, and again road tripping involves good music!! I love to try new things and go new places. I will try almost anything once whether it is food or some kind of activity…and speaking of food, I LOVE to bake… Cooking... well I’m working on it... and getting better I might add, but they are two totally different spectrums!!  I wear my heart on my sleeve and although I try to hide when I am upset, I usually do a terrible job. I can be somewhat emotional, but have gotten better at being rational. I will give the shirt off my back for someone and will do anything to help a friend in need. I am learning how to save money and be thrifty. I love to bargain shop; I’m a nerd like that. I don’t always act my age and certainly don’t feel as though I’m “in my thirties”. YIKES!! :) I have friends of varying ages and love them all very much. I love to have people over and “entertain”. I don’t have my “own” home to entertain in currently but I look forward to that again. (I’m a great hostess!!... Is that prideful??) :)  I have 2 tattoos and intend to get more, well one more for sure, but we’ll see. I love to read. I have a college degree in ministry that I am not currently “using”; however I’m confident that God has a plan and purpose for me. Does it involve my degree… who knows? I have had a very hard time in recent years knowing where I am with “religion”, figuring out why I believe what I do and becoming a person of relationship not religion.  I have lots of unanswered questions…but who doesn’t right?!?!?!  I am at a point in my life right now where I want someone else to enjoy my life with but I’m learning to be content and love God. I’m learning to focus on my personal relationship with Jesus. I’m learning how to spend my time more wisely, how to stop and truly listen for His voice. I want to always wait for the still small voice. I put my trust in Him and know that He will put someone in my life when I am ready. I had a rocky and somewhat debilitating marriage if you will, but I have learned that waiting will make the unity that much sweeter. I know what I don’t want… and as bad as that may sound… I had to learn the hard way. I had to learn that you can’t change people, you can’t make them love God and you can’t make them love you. We all have gifts and talents the Lord has given us and I know I’m being used in some of those areas and other areas are still being cultivated!! I need someone who will encourage me in my walk with God, pray for me, and allow me to do the same in return; someone to laugh and be silly with me; someone who will have pillow fights and eat ice cream in bed with me… God forbid I know right?!?! :)

I don’t feel I’m a complicated girl and I steer clear of drama. I had plenty of that mess in my early days and my last job. I was good at what I did but felt unappreciated. I did enjoy getting to take clients to various events and my job did allow me to participate in things I probably wouldn’t have been able to do on my own accord! (For example I got to take clients to Cirque du Soleil! A complete blessing and privilege!) I also loved that I got to use my creativity during fundraisers and contests between units!! I love making things with my hands, whether it is scrapbooking, drawing, or crafts! I have also started writing human videos and choreographing some praise dances. I’m not sure how I will use those but we’ll see!! 

I don’t know what else could be said to “explain” who I am, but that’s about it in a nutshell… again, I didn’t write it to brag, or be boastful. Sometimes when I feel the enemy is getting a foothold, or trying to drag me down, or feed me lies, I need a reminder of who I really am, Who I am in Christ, where I have come from and remember where I am headed. It has taken years to form the person I am today and to even figure out that I like these things, or enjoy any of what I just stated. The Lord has great things for me, that I am SURE of, and He has great things for YOU as well dear reader!! :) Just remember who you are, who created you, and great things lay ahead for you as well. Don’t be discouraged, and remember to tell the enemy where he can go!!! Haha!! :)