A Shock to the System

On a recent early morning trip to the beach I had decided that I was going to lay out for a little while, get a tan, get warm, relax..... my "logic" was: since it was before noon, the water would be chilly and if I "heated up a bit" in the sun, I'd appreciate the cool ocean water when I got in. Well... I went with my brother and the rest of the family, plus another couple and their child as well.... laying out became an idea of the past, and quickly, before I knew it I was being "drug" to the water.... "C'mon Auntie Cas, C'mon...." so... into the water I went and YIKES.... it was COLD!! You know the feeling.. that complete shock that jolts you all at once when you hit cold water.... yeah... there was no easin' in to anything or gettin' warmed up.... Of course, if you've experienced this, you also know that you do, eventually, get used to the water, it feels good and you enjoy being in the water... it got warmer the longer we were there as well, as in, the temperature, so that made it more enjoyable to be in the water as well.

Today in church I entered in to worship on a deep level, a level that made me really feel like I was connecting with God, and getting "answers"! (I have discovered that God tends to speak to me when I'm not expecting it and when I'm not sitting and begging for Him to talk to me or give me answers.)  What does any of this have to do with cold ocean water?? I know you're wondering....

This afternoon when I was processing all that I felt like God had done in church (in me) I realized that my experience since coming here has been like getting in the cold water. I left everything in Sioux City, rapidly. I felt it was the best decision at the time. I felt that God told me to make a decision and go with it and He would lead me from there. There was no "getting warmed up" to the idea of moving. There was no "laying out" for a little while to relax and think! It was go time. I had an opportunity to make a clean break from things going south at work and with other situations in Sioux City. I had to just "get in the water". Then today... I felt like I hit the point where the "water" wasn't such a shock to my system any more. I felt as though I was starting to enjoy the "water", feeling good in it... Today I felt like the Lord said, "It's ok!" And that to me was enjoying the water... I felt like He said it was ok that I have NO clue what's around the corner next, it's ok if I stay here, it's ok if I go back to Iowa, it's ok if I don't have all the answers, it's ok that I don't work in a job using my degree right now, it's ok that I MISS IOWA TERRIBLY!!!! I just had a lot of peace and felt I could kind of take the pressure off of myself that I had put there! I had this mentality that I had to have answers, and that I NEEDED to know what was next, I needed to start planning and looking ahead. (Those aren't bad things by the way.... but there is freedom in having a plan and then being adaptable when God changes it!) I love the fact that I'm here right now. Is it hard? Yes, harder than I ever imagined, and harder to go through than lots of other things I have faced in life (and I know some people won't understand that). I'm blessed to be near family, to have this as an opportunity but I have no clue how long it will last. It could be time to "leave the beach" figuratively and literally, at any given time and I have to be ok with whatever God tells me to do. Stay, Go, Move to Antarctica.... I need to be obedient even if I don't like it. (I learned that in church today too! It's ok to not like God's plan... Job didn't like God's plan, Jesus didn't even like God's plan and asked Him to take it away/change it, but both were obedient and followed through!) I can say this: I have a job right now where I finally feel appreciated and work in a job that I can leave at work without it "haunting" me at night and stressing me out, I have realized I left things and people unappreciated as well, I have more of a thankful heart now than I ever have, I enjoy life more each day for what it's worth, and I am learning the art of not living for others!!

Here's hoping your "trip to the beach" isn't as "shocking" as mine!!