Lots of people have been asking me since I moved to Florida, How is it? How's the weather? Don't you just love it? Now, don't get me wrong. If you read the title and now started reading you may be thinking, oh I see where this is going... She wanted to move to Florida so bad, and now she doesn't like it....
Well, let's discuss this!! Let me first of all say, I have already lived in Florida once. I graduated from College in Florida! (In a town about 45 minutes from where I am currently!) I was very familiar with the area, and knew "what I was getting myself into" by moving. Now, for those who haven't read previous blog entries, my move was not out of vain ambition, or desire. There were a number of circumstances that lead to my decision to move. I also knew going into the move that I did not feel one way or the other regarding the length of my stay. I knew I was supposed to move and God would let me know the details later, whether that be to stay for one month, one year, or 20 years.
When I left I was excited, sad but excited. I knew I was going to be with my family, be close to the beach, that I was going to get out from underneath my stressful job, away from another daunting situation, and I knew I wasn't going to be shoveling snow this winter!! (YES!!!) Once I got here and started to get settled in I started to realize that although what I had in Sioux City was simple, it was good!! My best friend, my favorite coffee joint, Bacon Creek... I started evaluating my life. (And I have done this many times over) I started to think, and discuss with people in my life where I was headed, why I was here. I kept thinking, really God? Really? Cause I'm glad to be here (my brother didn't think so at first, cause I was so emotional! haha) I LOVE being close to my family, especially my nephews, I love being so close to the beach, the weather is amazing, but what on earth would you bring me down here for? I have a job at Chick-fil-A, I'm not using my degree, I'm in my 30's... shouldn't I be somewhere else, doing something else with my life??? I thought for sure by now I would be doing something different. I was even surprised when I told people I was moving and everyone was supportive... I thought surely someone would have something negative to say, or bring up some reason I should stay, or something I didn't consider... no one did though. I couldn't believe it.
Now some of you are thinking, you haven't even been there that long... and you're right I haven't! I have been here almost two months. But the things the Lord has done in those two months has been absolutely crazy. Obviously, living with family is nice but it can be stressful as well. We all have our own ideas, agendas, feelings and throwing a third adult in the house makes for growing times!! God has seen us through it though and I have learned a lot! I have also learned what it's like to be appreciated. I have gone the last several years in a marriage and job that sucked the life out of me day in and day out. The marriage was the first to go a few years ago but the job I stuck with. I had no idea the damage I was truly causing myself internally until I got here. Until I knew what it was like to NOT work 60+ hours, until I started working in an environment of about 90% Christians who say please and thank you, who tell you what a great person you are, joke with you and love on you. They were huge adjustments. I spent several days in tears with my brother saying to me, "Sis, you need to learn what rest is... you need to learn what 'normal' or even 'semi-normal' looks like"... and he was SOO right! I had no clue what it was like to be still. Of course I took time in Sioux City, to go to church, to attend groups, to workout etc.. but if I wasn't doing that I was working. And again, that may not be an ALL bad thing for most people, but it was a constant battle to work where I did, and I "brought the work home" every night. Again not always a bad thing, but I am in a job now where I know what it's like to leave work at work and go home, be me, have fun, relax... Again that's not to say that I was a drone who did nothing fun in Sioux City... please hear what I'm saying... God has used this experience to speak to some of the deepest places of my being.
This last Sunday was the pinnacle. I really entered in to worship and between that and the message felt the Lord so strongly impress upon me this attitude of "Everything's going to be ok". I finally felt ok, about being here, I felt ok about the fact that I don't know what's next, I felt ok that I'm not where I may think I should be, but I'm where I NEED to be for a season, and I was ok with God saying, now what if I tell you to go back? He's been asking me these things a lot lately. What if I take this away or that? What if I tell you to go here or there? And for so long I have been so consumed with feeling like I never fulfilled a call I thought I had on my life and striving to make my family proud of me, that I finally hit this place where I knew everything was going to be fine and I know now that there is new meaning to "The grass is greener on the other side"; because the "other side" is MY side. And that may not make sense to everyone, but God has shown me "the other side of the fence" and looking back into "my own yard" so to speak has shown me, my grass is perfectly green, just as green as the neighbors, and I have nothing to be jealous of. I needed to spend time in this "yard" however. I needed to see some things that I wouldn't have seen otherwise and while I'm here I'm going to enjoy it! It's certainly not easy, because I miss "home", and I NEVER thought I would say that, at least not to the level that I am missing people and places right now. I knew I would be sad, but as I said, this has been harder than a lot of other things I have had to go through in life... so again folks... take it from me, I write these for your benefit... If the Lord is trying to teach you something, listen, and if that includes going over to the "neighbors" so you can glance back over and see what a nice "yard" you really do have..then maybe it's time to go home and take the for sale sign down and enjoy where you're at!!
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