Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

(Hopefully you'll actually see my Christmas card below)

Hope you all have a blessed Christmas!!

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Pictures Galore Christmas

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The Affect Effect

Over the past several weeks I have been learning a lot about communicating.

Positive and Negative. 

I've been learning the result of assuming, seeing what happens when you hold things in and of course becoming accustom to the taste of FOOT in my mouth, when I speak too soon!! There are many results that come from communicating improperly, as there are when communicating effectively. The beauty of it all is that we are all unique individuals, with different styles, different ideas, and different ways about us.

Have you ever asked someone how their day was going and they answered but never looked at you. Or have you ever gotten an answer from someone like "I'm good", but their arms are crossed over their chest and the look on their face says a thousand things besides, "I'm good"!! Yeah, we've all been there. And I would venture to guess, we've all been at both ends of the spectrum!! Here's a few things I'm learning:

First of all, it "does a body good" to be honest! If you're upset, say so. It's much easier to just confront the fact that maybe you really aren't having a good day. In which case, say so... I'm not saying if someone asks you how you are to give them a long sob story of your entire day. Just respond honestly. "I've had better days", or "Today's just not goin' great". (Hint: It actually doesn't fool anyone when you say you're having a good day and your whole being, your AFFECT, screams: I JUST WANT TO KICK  A WALL!!! And yes, I have done this!) I know sometimes, we want to come across as "put together" individuals. Other times, we actually want attention, so when our affect and words don't match, we're really hoping that someone will notice, and say something! (You know you've done it at least once!!) :)
Ok moving on.....

The second thing to be learned from body language is this: Actions speak LOUDER than words!! Trust me folks, it's not just a cliche. A mom knows full well that if her kid is being naughty, all she has to do is give a look or make one small gesture and the child knows it's over. Their busted, their in trouble, they better stop doin' whatever it is they're doin'!! Right!?! :) I'm learning that this doesn't work with adults! Giving a look of disdain, or "huffing" around as I call it, does... NOTHING!! I'm learning that as much as I may not want to, I need to use "my big girl words" and communicate. Rolling my eyes at someone when I'm frustrated that they are doing something wrong doesn't communicate, "You're doing that wrong." It shows disrespect and disgust. It says, "You irritate me" which is usually not the case at all. Instead, the better option, would be to stop the person (again this is just ONE example) and show them and/or explain to them what the problem is. Now if I'm rolling my eyes at someone and I am in fact irritated with them, then I better just get myself in check, generally speaking!!

There are many more things I could say about this topic, and as I said I'm still learning myself. But the last thing I'm going to share for now is that our affect can have positive effect on people and project a message, just as much as it can negatively. There is great power in a smile, a pat on the back, or a nod across the room at someone in agreeance.  The other part of positive communication (I have found, or am finding) is how I posture myself when I'm listening to someone else. I try to be mindful of where my hands are, that I'm making eye contact, that I'm not distracting myself with anything (like my cell phone), and that I acknowledge what they are saying. In the world of my last job, we would call it active listening. There is a huge difference, if you think about it, and think about people you've talked to recently. Did they appear to be engaged in your topic? You know how you feel when you leave a conversation and you feel like you spent your time talking to the air, right?? I have been trying to turn that around and reflect. I try to remember when someone is talking to be respectful, to pay attention to what they're saying, to make eye contact. Even if I'm in a hurry or really have nothing to contribute to the conversation, I try to remember that the other person may truly just need someone to listen for just a minute. If I'm acting as though they are taking up my "precious time" and I don't really care what they have to say, then I'm really doing them a dishonor, not to mention doing my own character and integrity a disservice.

So... there's a little friendly public service announcement for you!! Practice being a good listener this week, smile, and for the love of Pete (whoever Pete is) don't roll your eyes at anyone!! HaHa!!

In Living Color

Let me start with a Thank you to those who humor me and visit my blog religiously, and an apology that you have found no updates. :)  I have gotten a few "When are you going to post again?" messages so I figured I better get on it!!

I wanted to take a moment to encourage and exhort you in an area that I had, in some respects, dismissed. When I think back to years gone by (ha I'm not really that old, but that sounds kinda funny) I can see that there have been other times I believe God was trying to speak to me or use me and I did not recognize it. Now, recently, there have been a couple "significant" events that have transpired. God tried to speak to me about them before they occurred and I was incognizant to the manner in which He was trying to get my attention.

I'm referring to dreams

Up until a couple of weeks ago, I had no idea the true power and message that can be conveyed to us through our dreams. Please hear me out and understand that I'm not on a weird horoscope, fortune teller path here. I'm simply encouraging you to be aware of your dreams. Write them down. Pray about them. Any tiny details at all that you remember, may in fact be keys to something the Lord is trying to speak to you about. 

Out of respect for people involved, I cannot share specific details of events that have happened recently, but please hear me out. God showed me, in a dream, events that transpired days later. Was it exact? No. But it was probably 90% in tune with what happened. After the dream I woke up thinking, "that was weird". And later when the event actually happened, I was in complete shock. (And to be honest a little freaked out) I have since talked to a few people and have been taking time to pray and read.

Daniel 7: 1  In the first year of Belshazzar king of Babylon, Daniel 

had a dream and visions of his head while on his bed. Then he 

wrote down the dream, telling the main facts.

This is not a "new gift". This is something the Lord has been using for years to speak to people. It was just not something I ever really thought about in great detail. I have always had very vivid dreams and thought it was odd that I could remember certain details about dreams. Details that seemed very strange at the time, but very significant now. 

I am by no means suggesting that I think every last one of you needs to write down every dream you have. However, I do feel that God is probably speaking to more of us than anyone realizes, and doing it through dreams. My encouragement to you is simply this: if you have vivid dreams, if you have dreams that startle you, that stick with you, that you have a "feeling" about... write it down. There may not be significance to EVERY dream you have, but there may be a time when something in the dream is important. The Lord may be trying to get you to pray for someone or something... Don't take lightly the fact that He wants to speak to you and for you to respond. 

In looking back at the most recent event that transpired, I know there is nothing I could have done to PREVENT the outcome, at least I don't believe. However, I can see now, that God was probably urging me to pray and I missed it. Are the events that unfolded my fault? Certainly not, and I will not allow the enemy to tell me otherwise. But I do feel that it was a wake up call, to be more vigilant and to work on my relationship with God. My discernment needs sharpening and I am ever growing in my walk... I'm holding this close to me to keep me on my toes and transform who I am.... on the inside. 

Please remember to be mindful. Pray before you lay down at night and write things down right away in the morning if something is on your mind or your heart when you wake. Also be mindful of things you see in your mind's eye during your awake hours as well. We are in crazy times folks... we need to be alert. To be watchmen on the wall!! 

Happy Dreaming! 

Speak Life

Alright friends: I know I haven't posted in awhile and I have a few new ones that are goin' up shortly, but I had to copy this one (it's not original) and share it with you because it's truth, and it's powerful!!

This is an entry from an online devotion from Toby Mac. He uses excerpts from his CD and writes about them. I have no way to copy and paste from my phone so I'm going to attempt to retype the entry from my phone to the blog, again, not mine... ALL Toby Mac!! ( I just added my highlights and color here and there!! ) I hope you enjoy it and take a nugget from it!!

Speak Life
For a follower of Jesus, isolation is not an option. We are called to live in community with others, to be salt and light. And every interaction we have with someone else matters, because the way we treat them communicates something about who they are to God.

So when we respond to those around us with impatience we subtly communicate that they aren't valued. When we take the time on the other hand to listen, to try to understand-when we respond with graciousness, with interest with empathy, with kindness-we give others a small glimpse of their own eternal worth.

Being the body of Christ in this world isn't very often about the big, dramatic moments of life. Instead, its played out every day in every little interaction we have with everyone we come into contact with. Like it or not, we are always ambassadors of the kingdom of love. It's a 24/7 endeavor. We are to bring the love that was lavished on us into every little moment we inhabit.

And that doesn't happen by accident. It requires choices. It requires obedience. Because one day we feel on top of the world and it's easy to be nice to everyone. And the next day we feel like we've been punched in the gut and we just want to be left alone. The point is, we don't always feel like stepping outside of our own comfortable little bubble and engaging the people around us in a way that reflects the love God has for them and the worth he places upon them.

And yet, regardless of how we feel, that is the mission we are tasked with. So daily we must pray for grace, take up the cross, die to our own feelings, and embrace our call as stewards of the words of life. When we do so , we give love, we offer hope, we speak life, and we leave those whose paths we cross with a greater sense of their own eternal worth.

Life From my Step Stool

You know sometimes I get these corny ideas for titles, or think to myself, "hmm, that would make a good blog entry"... then I have to rewind and figure out how... :) haha... I'm thinking oh that's a good idea, but how does that relate to life or what can I share...

Well this was one of those times... I was at work tonight and over and over again I was having to get out the step stool to get things I needed like cups or lids, or granola.. stuff like that... I was thinking to myself.. it's always on the little person to get the stuff up that's up the highest. Then I thought.. I could write about this.. life on a step stool stuff.. then I went, ok but what about it!! :)

I started to think about the reasons that we keep things up high, at work or home; and I started thinking about the things we place in those high up places..... Valuables, things we don't need regularly, no room for them elsewhere... the reasons and things go hand in hand usually. The valuables we may not want little ones to get to, the storage areas in our houses or work areas are usually closets or shelves, and sometimes there just isn't any other place to put things... so... up it goes!! (Sometimes, to then be forgotten!)

At any rate, I was then analyzing how this relates to our or my, spiritual life. What are the things I'm having to get a "step stool" for? And Why? Am I trying to keep things away from people? Am I storing things away cause I have no other space? Then it dawned on me... When I'm at work, or home, I have to make time, even a few extra seconds to get those things that are up high, even things that are just a bit out of reach. At work I have to act fast sometimes, as it is taking away from my productivity to have to stop, set up the step stool get what I need, take it back down and put it away... If I'm at home, it may not have the same effect, as I'm most likely not in a hurry. But thinking about this from a spiritual stand point, and also a social and emotional stand point, I really don't know that, I personally, have time to "get things down" if I need to.... In the Bible when things were up high, they were idols, altars, or walls. (Just a few examples) But I don't want idols in my life, I don't want things that will come before God, that will take away from my relationship with the Lord. My altar should be one of praise to the Lord, my sacrifices should be daily. Now I'm not trying to make a statement theologically here but hypothetically and just as an example to get my point across, I don't have time (spiritually speaking) to climb a ladder to offer a sacrifice to the Lord. (And yes I realize not all altars were made this way... again please understand this is for example's sake) I should be bringing praise and laying things down at His feet everyday. If I have to get out a "ladder" to do that there might be a problem!!

Now as far as walls go... this could go either way.... we of course want to keep the enemy out, but we don't want to build walls so high that we keep people out... the people who need the Lord... my Christ-like attitude and servant's heart shouldn't be up on a shelf somewhere either so that when I "need" it I have to take time to get it. I should always be acting as though Christ is walking me through me day, standing right beside me. I should have a servant's heart without having to pick and choose who I will treat in such a manner. There isn't time for that sort of thing. Every day that the Lord tarries is an opportunity for one more person to embrace Him as their Savior. All that I am and all that I need on a daily basis should be within "reach" so to speak!!

Unfortunately, for HUMAN reasons, I can't NOT have a step stool in day to day life! 

(I'm not even 5 feet tall people!!)

The Grass is Greener on the Other Side

Lots of people have been asking me since I moved to Florida, How is it? How's the weather? Don't you just love it? Now, don't get me wrong. If you read the title and now started reading you may be thinking, oh I see where this is going... She wanted to move to Florida so bad, and now she doesn't like it....
Well, let's discuss this!! Let me first of all say, I have already lived in Florida once. I graduated from College in Florida! (In a town about 45 minutes from where I am currently!) I was very familiar with the area, and knew "what I was getting myself into" by moving. Now, for those who haven't read previous blog entries, my move was not out of vain ambition, or desire. There were a number of circumstances that lead to my decision to move. I also knew going into the move that I did not feel one way or the other regarding the length of my stay. I knew I was supposed to move and God would let me know the details later, whether that be to stay for one month, one year, or 20 years.

When I left I was excited, sad but excited. I knew I was going to be with my family, be close to the beach, that I was going to get out from underneath my stressful job, away from another daunting situation, and I knew I wasn't going to be shoveling snow this winter!! (YES!!!) Once I got here and started to get settled in I started to realize that although what I had in Sioux City was simple, it was good!! My best friend, my favorite coffee joint, Bacon Creek... I started evaluating my life. (And I have done this many times over) I started to think, and discuss with people in my life where I was headed, why I was here. I kept thinking, really God? Really? Cause I'm glad to be here (my brother didn't think so at first, cause I was so emotional! haha) I LOVE being close to my family, especially my nephews, I love being so close to the beach, the weather is amazing, but what on earth would you bring me down here for? I have a job at Chick-fil-A, I'm not using my degree, I'm in my 30's... shouldn't I be somewhere else, doing something else with my life??? I thought for sure by now I would be doing something different. I was even surprised when I told people I was moving and everyone was supportive... I thought surely someone would have something negative to say, or bring up some reason I should stay, or something I didn't consider... no one did though. I couldn't believe it.

Now some of you are thinking, you haven't even been there that long... and you're right I haven't! I have been here almost two months. But the things the Lord has done in those two months has been absolutely crazy. Obviously, living with family is nice but it can be stressful as well. We all have our own ideas, agendas, feelings and throwing a third adult in the house makes for growing times!! God has seen us through it though and I have learned a lot! I have also learned what it's like to be appreciated. I have gone the last several years in a marriage and job that sucked the life out of me day in and day out. The marriage was the first to go a few years ago but the job I stuck with. I had no idea the damage I was truly causing myself internally until I got here. Until I knew what it was like to NOT work 60+ hours, until I started working in an environment of about 90% Christians who say please and thank you, who tell you what a great person you are, joke with you and love on you. They were huge adjustments. I spent several days in tears with my brother saying to me, "Sis, you need to learn what rest is... you need to learn what 'normal' or even 'semi-normal' looks like"... and he was SOO right! I had no clue what it was like to be still. Of course I took time in Sioux City, to go to church, to attend groups, to workout etc.. but if I wasn't doing that I was working. And again, that may not be an ALL bad thing for most people, but it was a constant battle to work where I did, and I "brought the work home" every night. Again not always a bad thing, but I am in a job now where I know what it's like to leave work at work and go home, be me, have fun, relax... Again that's not to say that I was a drone who did nothing fun in Sioux City... please hear what I'm saying... God has used this experience to speak to some of the deepest places of my being.
This last Sunday was the pinnacle. I really entered in to worship and between that and the message felt the Lord so strongly impress upon me this attitude of "Everything's going to be ok". I finally felt ok, about being here, I felt ok about the fact that I don't know what's next, I felt ok that I'm not where I may think I should be, but I'm where I NEED to be for a season, and I was ok with God saying, now what if I tell you to go back? He's been asking me these things a lot lately. What if I take this away or that? What if I tell you to go here or there? And for so long I have been so consumed with feeling like I never fulfilled a call I thought I had on my life and striving to make my family proud of me, that I finally hit this place where I knew everything was going to be fine and I know now that there is new meaning to "The grass is greener on the other side"; because the "other side" is MY side. And that may not make sense to everyone, but God has shown me "the other side of the fence" and looking back into "my own yard" so to speak has shown me, my grass is perfectly green, just as green as the neighbors, and I have nothing to be jealous of. I needed to spend time in this "yard" however. I needed to see some things that I wouldn't have seen otherwise and while I'm here I'm going to enjoy it! It's certainly not easy, because I miss "home", and I NEVER thought I would say that, at least not to the level that I am missing people and places right now. I knew I would be sad, but as I said, this has been harder than a lot of other things I have had to go through in life... so again folks... take it from me, I write these for your benefit... If the Lord is trying to teach you something, listen, and if that includes going over to the "neighbors" so you can glance back over and see what a nice "yard" you really do have..then maybe it's time to go home and take the for sale sign down and enjoy where you're at!!

A Shock to the System

On a recent early morning trip to the beach I had decided that I was going to lay out for a little while, get a tan, get warm, relax..... my "logic" was: since it was before noon, the water would be chilly and if I "heated up a bit" in the sun, I'd appreciate the cool ocean water when I got in. Well... I went with my brother and the rest of the family, plus another couple and their child as well.... laying out became an idea of the past, and quickly, before I knew it I was being "drug" to the water.... "C'mon Auntie Cas, C'mon...." so... into the water I went and YIKES.... it was COLD!! You know the feeling.. that complete shock that jolts you all at once when you hit cold water.... yeah... there was no easin' in to anything or gettin' warmed up.... Of course, if you've experienced this, you also know that you do, eventually, get used to the water, it feels good and you enjoy being in the water... it got warmer the longer we were there as well, as in, the temperature, so that made it more enjoyable to be in the water as well.

Today in church I entered in to worship on a deep level, a level that made me really feel like I was connecting with God, and getting "answers"! (I have discovered that God tends to speak to me when I'm not expecting it and when I'm not sitting and begging for Him to talk to me or give me answers.)  What does any of this have to do with cold ocean water?? I know you're wondering....

This afternoon when I was processing all that I felt like God had done in church (in me) I realized that my experience since coming here has been like getting in the cold water. I left everything in Sioux City, rapidly. I felt it was the best decision at the time. I felt that God told me to make a decision and go with it and He would lead me from there. There was no "getting warmed up" to the idea of moving. There was no "laying out" for a little while to relax and think! It was go time. I had an opportunity to make a clean break from things going south at work and with other situations in Sioux City. I had to just "get in the water". Then today... I felt like I hit the point where the "water" wasn't such a shock to my system any more. I felt as though I was starting to enjoy the "water", feeling good in it... Today I felt like the Lord said, "It's ok!" And that to me was enjoying the water... I felt like He said it was ok that I have NO clue what's around the corner next, it's ok if I stay here, it's ok if I go back to Iowa, it's ok if I don't have all the answers, it's ok that I don't work in a job using my degree right now, it's ok that I MISS IOWA TERRIBLY!!!! I just had a lot of peace and felt I could kind of take the pressure off of myself that I had put there! I had this mentality that I had to have answers, and that I NEEDED to know what was next, I needed to start planning and looking ahead. (Those aren't bad things by the way.... but there is freedom in having a plan and then being adaptable when God changes it!) I love the fact that I'm here right now. Is it hard? Yes, harder than I ever imagined, and harder to go through than lots of other things I have faced in life (and I know some people won't understand that). I'm blessed to be near family, to have this as an opportunity but I have no clue how long it will last. It could be time to "leave the beach" figuratively and literally, at any given time and I have to be ok with whatever God tells me to do. Stay, Go, Move to Antarctica.... I need to be obedient even if I don't like it. (I learned that in church today too! It's ok to not like God's plan... Job didn't like God's plan, Jesus didn't even like God's plan and asked Him to take it away/change it, but both were obedient and followed through!) I can say this: I have a job right now where I finally feel appreciated and work in a job that I can leave at work without it "haunting" me at night and stressing me out, I have realized I left things and people unappreciated as well, I have more of a thankful heart now than I ever have, I enjoy life more each day for what it's worth, and I am learning the art of not living for others!!

Here's hoping your "trip to the beach" isn't as "shocking" as mine!!

Crazy Cas :)

Well, Today's entry will a bit lengthy, and it's not really an entry with a "lesson" per se. This is something I posted on Facebook and something that I update periodically for my own personal growth. Some of you have already read this so forgive me... Sometimes the Lord leads me to share it, sometimes it's for my own reflection. This time I felt it was something I needed to update and share. I challenge you to read it and reflect on your own life, where you have come from and where you are going! Here's to our ever changing journey!

So I challenged myself to step out on a limb awhile back, I wanted to “identify” myself, describe myself… do I really KNOW who I am…. I needed an opportunity to put myself out there…  I needed to really think about how I got where I am and who I believe I am in the Lord… I needed a “safe” arena and I believe this is it… Bear with me… this is more for my benefit than yours!! (I did this previously when I was in a bad place so this is also a bit of redemption and healing, and I like to update it as my journey progresses!!)

I’m 32 years old, yes basic I know… I LOVE animals and I love to be outside, but I HATE the cold. I get cold easy and I’m kind of a weenie in that respect! In the winter I need layers and often wonder why I chose to live in Iowa for so stinkin’ long. I love to golf, I played varsity for 3 years in high school and although I’m not the best in the world, I enjoy every minute of the course, any course!! I was married and divorced, I do not have children. I have always wanted to be a mother and felt I would be a good mother. I have often wondered if I was cut out for the actual act of child bearing however (my own insecurity of some sort) and in that respect maybe one day I will join a “pre made” family! :) I could be the “cool step mom”! Ha! Maybe not… but these are in fact, things I think about… And there’s my goofy side… I love to joke around and whoever gets the great honor and scary privilege of being my mate one day will have to deal with my witty and sometimes lame humor!! Ha Ha!! I love, love, love music. I will listen to almost anything. I am usually humming a tune or have something running through my head if I don’t have K-Love or my iPod on. I can possibly be found dancing around randomly and singing on the weekends also if I’m not cleaning or organizing something. I wouldn’t say I’m a “clean freak” but I’m fairly organized and most everything has “its place”. I love to road trip, and again road tripping involves good music!! I love to try new things and go new places. I will try almost anything once whether it is food or some kind of activity…and speaking of food, I LOVE to bake… Cooking... well I’m working on it... and getting better I might add, but they are two totally different spectrums!!  I wear my heart on my sleeve and although I try to hide when I am upset, I usually do a terrible job. I can be somewhat emotional, but have gotten better at being rational. I will give the shirt off my back for someone and will do anything to help a friend in need. I am learning how to save money and be thrifty. I love to bargain shop; I’m a nerd like that. I don’t always act my age and certainly don’t feel as though I’m “in my thirties”. YIKES!! :) I have friends of varying ages and love them all very much. I love to have people over and “entertain”. I don’t have my “own” home to entertain in currently but I look forward to that again. (I’m a great hostess!!... Is that prideful??) :)  I have 2 tattoos and intend to get more, well one more for sure, but we’ll see. I love to read. I have a college degree in ministry that I am not currently “using”; however I’m confident that God has a plan and purpose for me. Does it involve my degree… who knows? I have had a very hard time in recent years knowing where I am with “religion”, figuring out why I believe what I do and becoming a person of relationship not religion.  I have lots of unanswered questions…but who doesn’t right?!?!?!  I am at a point in my life right now where I want someone else to enjoy my life with but I’m learning to be content and love God. I’m learning to focus on my personal relationship with Jesus. I’m learning how to spend my time more wisely, how to stop and truly listen for His voice. I want to always wait for the still small voice. I put my trust in Him and know that He will put someone in my life when I am ready. I had a rocky and somewhat debilitating marriage if you will, but I have learned that waiting will make the unity that much sweeter. I know what I don’t want… and as bad as that may sound… I had to learn the hard way. I had to learn that you can’t change people, you can’t make them love God and you can’t make them love you. We all have gifts and talents the Lord has given us and I know I’m being used in some of those areas and other areas are still being cultivated!! I need someone who will encourage me in my walk with God, pray for me, and allow me to do the same in return; someone to laugh and be silly with me; someone who will have pillow fights and eat ice cream in bed with me… God forbid I know right?!?! :)

I don’t feel I’m a complicated girl and I steer clear of drama. I had plenty of that mess in my early days and my last job. I was good at what I did but felt unappreciated. I did enjoy getting to take clients to various events and my job did allow me to participate in things I probably wouldn’t have been able to do on my own accord! (For example I got to take clients to Cirque du Soleil! A complete blessing and privilege!) I also loved that I got to use my creativity during fundraisers and contests between units!! I love making things with my hands, whether it is scrapbooking, drawing, or crafts! I have also started writing human videos and choreographing some praise dances. I’m not sure how I will use those but we’ll see!! 

I don’t know what else could be said to “explain” who I am, but that’s about it in a nutshell… again, I didn’t write it to brag, or be boastful. Sometimes when I feel the enemy is getting a foothold, or trying to drag me down, or feed me lies, I need a reminder of who I really am, Who I am in Christ, where I have come from and remember where I am headed. It has taken years to form the person I am today and to even figure out that I like these things, or enjoy any of what I just stated. The Lord has great things for me, that I am SURE of, and He has great things for YOU as well dear reader!! :) Just remember who you are, who created you, and great things lay ahead for you as well. Don’t be discouraged, and remember to tell the enemy where he can go!!! Haha!! :)

Preparing for a Hurricane

Well I made it to Florida.. and wouldn't you know.. just in time for a hurricane!! Fun Times!!! Now, keep in mind that I lived down here once before, several years ago for college. There were several times that we had tropical storms headed our way but we never had to evacuate or do anything drastic... Today I read several signs that said "HURCON 4 ALERT". I had no idea what it meant, as is the case with many signs I read around here because I'm staying on a military base right now. My sister in law looked it up when we got home and discovered it was a Hurricane Alert. Here's what it says:
 Destructive winds of 50 knots or greater are possible within 72 hours or when the storm enters within an 800 nautical mile radius of Florida. 
We figured this must mean we should "come up with a plan" ... just in case. My brother of course confirmed this when he came home and we discussed that we need to probably pack some bags but get stocked up on groceries as well in case it's not bad enough to evac, but bad enough to stay indoors for a few days!! Sounds like a blast huh?!?
 I got thinking after I read the alert definition and then the other definitions of Alerts as they increase. Each Alert from HURCON 4 up to 1 is a progression and each level states to be sure previous Hurcon precautions have been taken; so in other words if you're on HURCON 2, make sure you've done all of the steps for 4 and 3, then move on to the instructions for 2!! Obviously people have been through these storms and they have made these lists and preparations. They have laid the ground work and "mapped" out readiness for those that follow... and I believe we can do the same in our walk with the Lord. Often times there are trials and "storms" we walk through. Not every one will be the same of course, so please don't misunderstand what I am saying. I do believe, however that there is definitely a certain level of learning that can be done by someone who has gone before us. In the same respect, we need to help others along the way. Again, please don't take what I am saying the wrong way. It is not our responsibility to go to others that we "think" may be encountering something and give them every last bit of advice and information that we possibly can because we think we are helping them. But when we do see people in need, and more importantly when people reach out to us, we should want to help them. We should want to share what worked or didn't work for us. We should offer to pray for them, and comfort them the best we can. Going through storms unaware or unprepared can be potentially dangerous and I believe the same is true for our spiritual journey.
 Thank you to those who have helped me through storms in my life. May the Lord use me and all I have been through to have compassion, discernment, and the ability to serve others in the same manner that others have helped me.

The Wall

I've finally hit the wall... I knew once I made the decision to move and God started opening doors that at some point I would encounter a road block. I figured that there would be a problem somewhere and when nothing was going wrong I thought, "This is too good to be true, things are going too well." Seems silly I know... I should be embracing that things are going smoothly right... But then all at once it happened. In the most unexpected manner. I was suddenly overcome with fear and sadness. Sure there was the occasional worry and anxiety along the way, but that was a low level of emotion compared to what had completely smacked me in the face this time. I was almost starting to panic. I was suddenly sad about leaving friends, I was starting to get worried about how the cat would travel. I started feeling broken inside like different parts of me were being torn off and left in certain places or with certain people. I was feeling like maybe I should just call the whole thing off and stay. What if God's plan for my life, for my future is in Iowa? What if I'm leaving behind my "true destiny"? Is there such a thing as destiny? Why am I questioning everything all of a sudden? Why am I so worried about "missing God" ? How long will this feeling of brokenness and heartache last? Why can I not trust God? Why can I not believe that God will take care of me? Why is it so hard to trust that my true friendships and the meaningful relationships I have here WILL last? I WILL be able to stay in touch with people. I WILL be visiting frequently. So why is this such a big deal all of a sudden? Ugh... and then of course I was thinking... another CRAZY processing Blog entry!! HAHA!!
I prayed and prayed... I asked my best friend to pray for me... I told her I just had this sadness, this ache in the pit of my stomach that would not go away. Over the course of a couple of days I just felt overwhelmed, things were whirling through my head, I had never experienced this level of emotional madness, and I'd like to be able to tell you that I had some sort of amazing epiphany during this experience, but I didn't. What I did experience however, was God's peace. After two or three days of this turmoil I got up and as I do every day, got ready for my jog... I was feeling good but didn't really equate it to anything.... when I finally got out to Bacon Creek to do my jog one of my favorite songs came on and I took in a deep breath. I smiled to myself and I thought... wow.. I feel free... I don't feel burdened... I feel relieved... as I continued on I thanked God and thought to myself, I am so small, I am so finite, how can I think that God, who is limitless, who knows no boundaries, who knows no time or distance, could not help me, watch over me, and carry out His plans for me? How can I think that by me moving I will ruin anything He has for me? Yes, we of course have free will, and He allows us that, but His plans cannot be changed or altered by us, and for that I am grateful!! A small part of me is still sad to be leaving such a great church and friends, but I know that God is going with me on this journey and I'm leaving with joy and anticipation to see what unfolds next!!

Crossroads

So today's entry will not be a fun life lesson or confession... today is more of a "processing" blog entry... you may choose to exit now if you wish :) haha!!

It's always crazy to me how life changes so unexpectedly sometimes... you just never know what God has in store or where you might end up. Over the course of the last week (well much longer, but more so recently) I have been talking with my brother and mulling over my crazy job. I expressed my concern over how chaotic things have become and how frequently I am getting injured. Things seem to continue to escalate with no relief in sight. I expressed that this, coupled with another situation that recently came up, I am feeling overwhelmed. I feel unhealthy mentally, and emotionally which makes me of course strive hard in my spiritual life. Not that I feel as though I'm going to have a "break down", but I feel like the level of stress at work has me so maxed out I don't function like a "normal" person should. I know that doesn't make sense to a lot of you because it's hard for me to really put into words what my job consists of or what I go through on a daily basis but I'm pretty sure if I could record even one hour of what I endure, you'd all shake your head and say, "How do you do that everyday?" It's emotionally and physically taxing on your body. Everyday is angry kids who have been abused and neglected taking out their emotions on everyone else by having behaviors that consist of throwing things, swearing, punching things and people... the list goes on... when these things happen we have to restrain the clients which then usually is when injuries occur. I've come home several nights with bruises, bite marks, chunks of hair missing, etc. And it seems as though the kids we are getting in are getting worse and worse and they are more violent than the last... If I didn't have to work so many hours to pay bills and be able to live it may not be AS bad... now, please hear me out... this is NOT a sob story, I am NOT trying to get you to feel sorry for me by any means... I'm presenting facts.... 

Through all of this as I have been talking to my brother he has, on several occasions, asked me why I don't move. Moving would mean going to Florida to live with him and my sister in law... I have told my brother that as much as I would LOVE to be close to them and be able to play with my nephews on the beach everyday, I just didn't think it was practical. I told him that I felt the more responsible thing to do would be sticking it out at work and paying off my debt... I told him I was almost debt free and we had figured out that if I kept hammering away I could be completely debt free by March of 2013!! Exciting!!! Plus I think part of me pridefully felt that if I moved in with him I would feel like a complete failure... 32 years old moving in with my brother who's 28... Wow... looks good on my part... So... last Sunday my brother called me again... I was having a HORRIBLE weekend and I started sobbing... I was at work and I had to excuse myself from the unit to talk to him... I just broke... I told him I didn't know how much longer I could continue but that God had not opened any other doors for me.. I have applied for several other jobs but nothing seems to be working out... He of course said... Ummm well my offer still stands... he continued on by saying that they would be home in August and that if I wanted to leave they would take me with them.... I of course spewed excuses and stumbled over all of my words... He told me, "I'm not going to force you to come with us, it's up to you.. just think about it... I'll call you in the morning." Monday morning I went for a jog and tried to clear my head... I went through all the different reasons to stay.... I kept asking myself, ok what else, what else... what is keeping you here....? Later that morning we (my brother and I) went through EVERYTHING together... We talked about the fact that I have friends here, we talked about my involvement in the church... He was so helpful... He even went so far as to say, look... even if Mr. Right is back in Iowa and you live in Florida... no time or distance can prevent God from putting you together... so see.. you have NO excuses!!! (He really did cover everything I could have possibly TRIED to use as an "excuse") He's such a great brother!!! He was really encouraging and edifying and just lifted me up. He said we're praying for you and we want the best God has for you... And the more he talked the better I felt.... That was of course confirmed also by the Lord speaking to my heart and telling me that I needed to make a decision and head in a direction and he would take over from there. I was nervous of course but I started out by putting in my notice at work this week. I said ok Lord... Here I go... I'm either goin' to Florida or I need a new job!!! My stomach was in my throat, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Since I put in my notice I have slowly started to talk to people in my life about what's been happening and I have, to my surprise, received overwhelming support!!! I thought that there would be some "nay-Sayers" who would have things to say like, "well have you thought about..." or "if you leave what about...." but no one has made any negative comments and that feels like further confirmation. Now I'm working on talking to more people and letting God continue to do His thing... Looks like I will probably be blogging from the beach soon!! :)

Magnum opus

Has anyone ever told you you're special?

 Has someone told you how much you mean to them? 

Has anyone ever told you "You're one of a kind"? 

Sometimes, at least for me, I felt silly at the sound of those compliments. There have been times in my life I didn't feel special, I was hurting or broken on the inside and those words felt cheap. There have also been times in my life when those words have come out of someone's mouth and it's something I felt they said out of obligation. Because sometimes life and circumstances affect our relationship with God, there have been times when I had a hard time accepting God's voice telling me "you're special" or God telling me that I'm unique and loved, created by Him!! 

We call God our Lord, Father, the Great Physician, Provider, King, and we also refer to Him as our Creator and The Potter. (See some references: Gen. 5:2, Isaiah 64:8, Philippians 4:19) I guess being created by the ULTIMATE DESIGNER and RULER of the UNIVERSE makes us pretty special... Hand Crafted (Ps. 139:13-18, these read good in NASB and MSG) But do you know what that means... I mean, what it really means..... ??? Since we are each a child of the most high God, the Living King of Glory we ... are... His....

MAGNUM OPUS!!!!

Now, you've probably up to this point understood most of what I said and now you're going.... What the heck is a magnum opus???!!!  The Dictionary defines magnum opus as: A great work of art; literary or artistic masterpiece, the greatest single work of an artist, writer or other creative person!!! Wow... What an honor... Right?!?!?! We are each "individually wrapped", one of a kind, original.... but each one of us... His SINGLE best!!! Hard to wrap your head around huh?? It was for me... some days it still is... some days I think... I'm just a girl... just one person... and you may be thinking that today, you may think that tomorrow, but when life gets you down, when you don't feel special, when you feel like just another person walkin' down Abbey Road (haha) say to yourself... 

I AM GOD'S MAGNUM OPUS!!!!

Dress for the Occasion

Ok, let's think about this for a few minutes. If you go to the gym to exercise, you put on a certain type of clothes, right?? And if you go to a party, you put on a different type of clothes than what you wore for the gym.... Now, sometimes an occasion arises and you want to get something new. A new dress, a new top, something along those lines. BUT usually, a person tries on the outfit first, right?? It just makes sense. You want to make sure it fits right, that you can move in it, things like that. So what happens when you try something new that you didn't try on first, or you didn't "test" first?? Let me tell you, it can be disastrous!

Every morning I go for a jog. It's usually 3 miles and I walk part of it and jog part of it.( I'm working on building up my strength and stamina since I've never been a runner.) So, the other day I decided instead of my workout Capri pants, I would try a pair of shorts. Then I put on a pair of socks that are different than most of my other pairs, and I got ready to go. I got to the park and started my jog...wow.... what a mess I was.... I got going and no sooner than I started I felt like I was slowing down every 30 seconds to adjust the shorts or move my foot around because my sock was rubbing my foot wrong... UGH!! What was I thinking when I got ready??

By the time I finished, my jog time had been significantly affected and I felt more worn out from constantly fixing my clothes than I did from the actual workout!! This of course then got me thinking.... How am I dressed for other occasions. Now, you could take this and run down the modesty road. That's not what crossed my mind though. Maybe because I have never been one to dress "provocatively" or immodestly. But I got to thinking about how "prepared" I am and what I "clothe" myself in. Humility or Pride? Holiness or Self righteousness? Am I ready in season and out of season? Will the things I clothe myself in every day affect "my race"? I realized quickly that I can't get to heaven one day and say, "Sorry I'm late I had put on different socks." or "Sorry I didn't get a chance to witness to that person, I had to leave to change my shirt." How unacceptable... practically speaking even, how would it look for a bride to get half way down the aisle and say, "Sweetheart, can you wait just one second, I need to go change my shoes quick, these are rubbing my feet." Now, a bride might kick them puppies off once she's said "I do" and kissed her groom, but that's a TOTALLY different story folks!!!

I guess it just made me think about what things are important in life. What things I need to work on that are affecting my "race", my witness, my ability to "keep a good pace" (as I talked about before)... I don't want to have my walk (or jog haha) affected by what I'm clothed in.

Here's to choosing an acceptable wardrobe!!! 

Pace Yourself

Well... here I sit... reflecting on the title of this message and watching the "pace" of those around me. Cars driving by, people on bikes, people pausing to read signs, people eating and walking, reading and walking, talking and walking... the list goes on!! Everyone however, at a different speed! Some taking their time, some in a hurry...and this is where I have been struggling lately.... trying to hurry, trying to squeeze in meetings, make time for friends, picking up extra shifts at work, video chatting with my family.... Where is all my time going.... 

As I walked around the park the other morning, (or raced, rather) listening to music, and pouring my heart out to God... I could feel that I was pushing myself too hard. I was tryin' to "power house" my way around the trail. I slowed down and said, "Ok pace yourself Casandra" and God said, "This is exactly what your problem is..." Well duh, I thought... I know... I'm pushing too hard...I need to slow down... but then He said, "I'm not talking about exercise!" HA!!! Well of course He wasn't... He was referring to the fact that I don't pace myself everyday... I don't allow myself time to breathe, and I "power house" my way through each day.
I got to thinking about how ridiculous and yuck I feel when I don't pace myself in exercise and how it relates to my life. When I'm going through the trail or at the gym and I'm pushing too hard I need to hydrate more often, I'm not as focused, I wear out faster, and ridiculous part is that I hate feeling like I have to breathe with my mouth open to get the air I need....

Pausing once again in my heart as I walked, I thanked God for using this analogy and showing me... this is what I have been doing for weeks. I get worried about money so I pick up extra hours, I get frustrated with my schedule because I can't say no then complain I'm at work... ALL THE TIME!!! (I'm not getting "hydrated"/spending enough with the Lord, cause I'm at work) I get in a hurry to get things done at the end of my shift and forget things, either at work or home because I'm constantly trying to remember if I got it all done. (VERY not focused) I run all day going to meetings and trying to "fit it all in" that by the time my weekend comes and I have time to do what I want, I'm worn out!! This all then leads to me with my mouth open (figuratively)... once again... trying to catch my breath!! (By the way... When you're outside in nature with your mouth open, bugs can get in... but in life, when you've got your mouth open... "bugs" can get out.... when you're worn down, not focused and lacking hydration, you tend to say things you shouldn't!!)

So....having said all of that, I made the decision to PACE myself!! I'm asking God of course to help me and praying that He meets my needs. I know I can't get through life on my own, I've tried. And clearly I can't get through it by "power housing" my way through the day then begging him to help me with the last leg.... I feel like in making a conscious effort to pay closer attention, and slow down a bit I will have a renewed joy, a new sense of self, and be a better witness for Christ.

Take it from me folks... a bug in the mouth is gross.... I write these blogs for a reason!!!! HAHAHA!!! :)

Entertaining Angels

Well... this will be a brief entry. One of exhortation you might say; but a lesson learned for me this week.
As I was leaving Hy Vee the other day, I noticed a tiny frail woman going through the crosswalk at a snail's pace. She looked at me and I can't put words to the expression in her eyes... solemn perhaps... nonetheless I had one hand full of groceries, the other hand toted my purse and phone, texting away of course, making arrangements to meet one of my girlfriends for lunch. Her expression changed a bit... maybe to worried as she saw that she was holding up traffic to cross the street. I kept looking back at her, knowing in my heart I was supposed to be helping her. I looked down at all the stuff in my hands and wavered as I was almost to my car. "Go back Casandra, you know she needs help.....My hands are full, how am I gonna help her" I kept this up in my mind as I continued on to my car. Once I set everything down in my car and turned to walk back I saw that she was already inside.... "Wow... Way to go" I said to myself..... and immediately this scripture from Hebrews came to my mind,  Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it. (Heb. 13:2)
I managed to biff an opportunity. (Not that I'm looking everyday to entertain an angel or anything... ) I pray all the time that God would give me opportunities to give of myself and help others, this time it was staring me in the face I managed to have EXCUSES! I was disappointed with myself and sat in my car apologizing to God and asking for forgiveness... in that moment, though I was beating myself up, I realized the weakness of the flesh... I realized how mundane life is... my friend would have waited for me, (I wait for her frequently haha) the restaurant would have still been standing, I would not have gone hungry, my phone could have gone to my purse or pocket for 2 minutes.... I would have made a good choice, I would have done good for the Kingdom.....
I realize I sound like I'm being a bit hard on myself but please understand my point. We live in a world where our phones, friends, appointments, and LIFE get in the way of LIVING!! WE get in the way of ourselves sometimes. We have constant stimulus around us all the time, we are constantly distracted, and it's no wonder we have a hard time with scripture like, "Pray without ceasing" or "do not give the devil an opportunity", or "be kind to one another". We are too busy... too busy to notice who needs help, too busy to talk to God throughout our day... so this week... I'm working on keeping my eyes open, keeping my spirit in check, listening to God... Will I miss other opportunities, yes I'm sure... but will I continue to press on... yes!! This is how we grow... Here's to entertaining angels.

Healing from Unforgiveness

I want to preface this entry with a "disclaimer"! So as to not get you all reading and thinking half way through, "this girl needs a therapist", you should know that this will be one of my longer blog entries, and it will be quite candid, but it has an ending only God could have scripted!! 

So... remembering that the subtitle of my blog is

 Sharing thoughts and ideas, confessions and true stories

Let me share this story with you. I believe that sharing it is part of my healing process. 

Yesterday as I was reading the word and trying to have my quiet time. I was struggling. I was struggling to stay focused, my mind I was wandering and I was getting upset with myself. I would try to read. I would try to pray. Nothing was "clicking". Finally I said to God, "Just take it all away, please. I'm  distracted. I can't focus." I felt like there were some things in my life that every time I tried to have quiet time, or pray or do anything along the lines of spiritual growth, I would end up thinking about these other things. I tried to go back to reading but finally I said to God, "Ok, let's deal with this box." Now, if you remember, I wrote in a previous blog...When I was in Mexico God had showed me a large metal looking box, almost like a safe deposit box, in my chest, and He told me it needed to be removed. I told God I wasn't ready and I felt Him say He wouldn't force me, that I had free will to choose...So... yesterday I decided it was time. 

As soon as I said the word, He began to show me situations from my past. I immediately began to cry thinking about each one. My first thought was that I didn't deal with each thing as well as I thought I had. I kept thinking, I thought I forgave that person, or I thought I moved past this... but God quickly spoke to my heart and said what we needed to deal with the unforgiveness in my heart.... toward myself. I could immediately feel God start to show me each situation one by one. The first was my dad's girlfriend. A flood of emotion hit me. In 2005 my dad (my dad that adopted me when I was 4) passed away from brain cancer. It was very hard on my brother and I, but his death was just the beginning of pain. A few months after he had passed away we had discussed as a family that we would have a picnic when the Lakes (up in Okoboji/Spirit Lake) opened up, we would spread some of his ashes in his favorite place and celebrate his life. When we contacted my dad's girlfriend (who had the ashes) to set up a time to get together, she informed us she had already spread his ashes on her own, with our dad's best friend. We were all devastated, as she could also not recall where it was she spread the ashes.... originally this issue took me years to forgive. I felt I had no closure, I felt like she stripped us of something important. I knew that my dad would have had the mentality, "it's just my crumbs... who cares" that was his attitude, but it was hard to move on. God showed me however that this was not about not having forgiven her, but myself. I had put the blame on myself for not handling his death better, for not being more organized, and thinking that if I had just stepped up and been more responsible, none of this would have happened.... God walked me through it and showed me it was not my fault, it was not something I needed to continue to hold on to. 

The next situation was my grandparents. I began to sob. I kept saying to God, "What was I thinking? How could I have let this happen?" I knew immediately my hurt surrounding this situation. This was extremely hard. My grandparents who had helped raise my brother and I and who I was very close to.... I had allowed them (or so I thought) to be taken advantage of by my ex-husband. He was a smooth con artist who got them to believe we needed money. We didn't, not for any true necessity that is. I was devastated thinking about the stories he had told them, thinking about the ways I had been blackmailed by him. I had been equally conned but felt that it was somehow my fault. I had not "protected" them, in my mind, as I thought I should have. I didn't know the entire extent of the damage he had truly done until they passed away and that had added to my pain, hurt, and guilt. I had carried it and taken it on. God again walked me through letting it go. Letting go of my shame that went all the way back to me saying "Why did I even marry him?" which is where the thoughts of "What was I thinking?" came into play. 

**Are you in complete disbelief yet at my dysfunction?? HAHA!!! Let me just pause here to say, I am SO SO SO thankful that God has set me free, that He has mended me, that He has put me in a new place. When I think about these things that I went through, I often times think, how do I even have friends? How am I even functional? That, my friends is the Grace of God... nothing else could have gotten me through these things.**

The next thing God walked me through was my time in Bible College. At the time, my brother was in middle school. Our mom had gotten remarried in the summer while my brother came with me back to college to start my second semester and get me settled. After spending a few days with me, I put him on a plane back to Iowa and within 4 months, our mom had taken my brother to his friend's house and told him he couldn't live with her any more. She abandoned him. He did not get along with her new husband so she dumped him. By this time I was crying even harder as God kept telling me to let it go. I felt such guilt over not coming home. I have carried it for over ten years, feeling that I should have done more to care for him, that I should have left school and come home. God kept saying to me, look at how great he has turned out to be, look at his walk, look at what he's doing with his life. I couldn't deny it, (of course how could I) my brother is a born again believer, he loves the Lord, he has a beautiful wife and kids, he serves our country as an Airman... I couldn't be more proud!! I could see how this affected other interactions I have had with my brother, my constant need for his approval, always afraid if I make a certain decision he's going to be upset with me. Let me clarify and say, he has never put these things on me, he has never expressed disappointment in me or anger with me.... it was all self-induced!! Imagine that!! 

I thought I was coming to the conclusion of my time with the Lord, I was feeling free, feeling healed, feeling comforted!! God said there was one more thing.... I couldn't even begin to guess... wow... what else have I been holding on to?? Well... God sure did show me.. it went all the way back to when I was 4. Yes 4... crazy right... When I was 4, my mom had married my brother's dad. Thomas was not born yet, but I remember being at the park across from my grandma's house and my mom telling me I was going to be adopted. I remember being told I was going to have a new last name and a new dad. I remember being told I needed to start calling this new person dad. As God was walking me through the situation and I was recalling the years that followed, I could see that I felt a sense of guilt over the whole thing. I had thought it was my fault that I did not have contact with my (biological) dad for so many years. I thought to myself, "Wow, that's messed up!!" HA!! But oh, the many ways satan tries..... I kept thinking, how was I not able to see this, how was I holding on to this for so many years!! (I mean really... I'm in my 30's folks!!) 

I sat awhile longer, praying and worshiping. I couldn't believe all that I had just been through.... what on earth... surely I should have been in therapy years ago.... but God reminded me of his faithfulness. He spoke to me about how important this inner healing was. He spoke to me about being made new and preparing me to step into a new arena!! I knew instantly that there was no way, had I not allowed God to walk me through this my future would be tainted. My future husband and child or children would all be affected by my hurt and my shame. The unforgiveness I carried would eventually pour into other areas of my life. Praise God I came out on top!! 

When I stopped crying I realized how much better I felt. I realized how free I was and literally how much lighter I felt. What a burden I had carried. How much pain I had self inflicted. God showed me that through this would come another healing I have been seeking God for for a number of years. He showed me how it all tied together and spoke to my heart about making me new inside and out!! 

So... on with the week I go, feeling renewed, energized, and built up... Thanking God for all He has done and IS doing in my life. I want to encourage you, if you have stuff you've been putting off, if God has been speaking to you, or tugging at your heart...don't hold back... facing the junk sucks sometimes, but the pay off is amazing... I have worried some about the level of transparency in sharing this, but if it leads one person to their own inner healing, then it's all worth it!! His grace is sufficient, His love covers all.... 

Facing Challenges

Annoyed.  Frustrated.  Struggling------This is how my week started. (last week)

How can it be that one decision made seemingly set off an entire whirlwind of chaos? I've blogged about this before... knowing when things that happen are attacks from the enemy, if it's "just because we're human", if we're being "punished", or if God is trying to "send us a message". Is it possible that God would allow such chaos? Or did I make a poor choice....? Well... here's the break down of my week... maybe you'll have different thoughts than I did when you're done reading....

On Monday I made the decision to join my brother and sister-in-law on a business endeavor. I had talked with my brother at length about the business, about it's benefits. (I was already familiar with the company and the products!) I had also heard my brother talk about the difficulties they encountered once they signed up. He chalked it up to satan trying to get the best of him, so.... Monday after signing up and registering for my starter kit I was feeling excited and ready to start. I had several people interested in the company and products right away after a short post I placed on Facebook!

 By Tuesday my world had changed pace and by Saturday I was irritated and asking God to PLEASE help me find the positives in the week!! From Tuesday to Saturday I had lost my debit card, been pulled over for having break lights out, was unable to purchase my products because by Tuesday night my card had been canceled, the people that were interested in the business decided they weren't any more, I had nights at work where behaviors on the unit caused me to be there till almost 2am, and Saturday morning found out that my starter kit had been delivered but apparently stolen, because I never received it. I couldn't believe it! Really? Stolen... ?? Well, by this time on Saturday when I found out the package was missing I had already gone through so many other emotions that when I got off the phone with FedEx I just shook my head and laughed. What else could I do??

So... in talking with my brother and my best friend, and praying... here are the things I walked away with.

1. My debit card was turned in. Although canceled, no one tried to steal any money from me!
2. There will be more opportunities to share the business with other people.
3. I didn't get a ticket for my break lights! Just a friendly warning from a very nice female officer! (That alone could have been worse with the "wrong" officer.)
4. I didn't get hurt in any of the behaviors at work. (I have coworkers who have received serious injuries)
5. I was able to replace my break lights myself!! Yes I'm handy like that!!  
6. I had lots of support throughout the week, my brother called me and prayed with me, and of course being in church and around other believers always makes my spirit feel refreshed.
7. FedEx has been extremely helpful with all my inquiries and calls regarding my package!!
8. Wednesday, in the middle of all the craziness, we had an amazing youth service for my clients where I work! (And behaviors subsided throughout the week.)

 When I look back a the week, it all seems a little silly... and there were definite blessings in the midst of it all. Was God trying to see if I would stay focused on Him? Quite possibly. Was the enemy trying to distract me from an opportunity that could revolutionize my life... ? Yeah most likely.

What I didn't share was this.... The business I'm getting involved in is called Advocare. A strong Christian company that has it's roots and values in the Lord. The conferences are full of testimonies and stories of people giving their lives to the Lord, and how God has changed them through the company.

 So, here's the outcome of last week: I grew from it, I learned from it, and I walked away undefeated!!

 I think that's a good thing...Right?!?!?!?! 

Relieved, Loved, Thankful------That's how my week ended. (last week) **insert smile here**

Dare to Live!

There seems to be an overwhelming theme in my life lately.... as if I should be surprised!! Sometimes I tell God it would be much easier for Him to simply put up a bulletin board for me! I guess I need to hear things multiple times in order for it to sink in!! HA HA!! Or maybe it's just God reminding me how important it is so I don't stray from the "mission" or "vision"!!

  So... over the last couple of weeks as I have shared God has been doing a number on me... Mexico opened the door to a whole world of unexpected changes within myself. I think I mentioned in a previous blog that I was thinking Mexico would be a launching pad so to speak... and it actually has been, just not in the way that I expected!!! Funny how God does that.... The first event that began to speak to me and challenge me, was Life Tree. If you have ever been to Life Tree, you know that it's a great time of conversation and learning. If you've never been to one, I encourage you to get online and find one close to you!! At any rate, the theme a few weeks ago was about survival, living through crazy events like the Earthquake that hit Haiti! In it, a man shared that his grandmother had sent him a letter. Now without going into the whole hour long Life Tree session, the letter ended with his grandmother writing,

"Live for the Living". 

  A curious phrase that had me thinking! My immediate response when asked to discuss it at our table was, "That should be our mission everyday." We should be doing things that lead others to the Lord. Simple enough... in my mind.... at the time.... I began to recite the phrase to myself frequently, and several times it made me think of my dad. I think that Living for the Living was the only thing that brought my dad to the Lord. He was always telling  my brother and I that we were going through a "phase", that our zeal for this "God stuff" would one day end.... well it didn't and sure enough, he gave his life to the Lord, 5 months before he passed away. 

  The next event I attended: the Dare to Be conference in Bellvue, NE! It was last Tuesday night and the theme if you hadn't guessed it... was about Daring to Be... Daring to be whatever God was calling us to be, Daring to step out, Daring to dream, Daring not to sit back and let life pass us by!!! Now, it may not seem like these things go hand in hand but to me it was like God saying, "Do you get it yet?" 

  I should back up and also say that every month I also attend a local Women's group called Wings. At the beginning of the year we discussed journaling and not setting resolutions but giving ourselves a WORD for the year. A word that would motivate us, speak to us, challenge us, and something that at the end of the year would not make us feel bad because we hadn't "achieved" it, like a resolution! Now, smart girl that I am... totally forgot my Word until these two events had passed!! (Let's just say it's been a chaotic start to my year!) Ok so.. can you guess what my word was??? 

LIVE

  Ha ha!! Nice right?!?!? Yeah... So... I then remembered my "motto" to go with my Word, was

"Go big or Go home!!!" 

  Yep.. that's me!!! I started thinking after these events that maybe I had set myself up for failure... maybe I had this great pie in the sky idea that I would essentially "fail" at.... but I remembered, it was a Word... a base for motivation, I can't fail at living... ha ha... I mean... even if God takes me home... HELLO!!! Eternity will be Epic!! I started to think... I started to pray.... How can I start LIVING, how can I be the example God wants me to be, how can I live for the living and how can I go big...(Cause I'm not ready to go home... yet!!) I started thinking about work, about the "sudden" favor I seem to have among the "big dogs", I started realizing that these things are not by chance. I have tried and tried for promotions within that company, I have sacrificed blood, sweat, and tears (ALL literally) over that place and just when I thought I was on my way out, God seems to be saying, "Better Go Big or Go Home"!! I realized this week, I have a huge responsibility where I am to start stepping out, to start DARING to speak, to start LIVING out loud!! 

  I have started to take my clients to church and youth group, I have started to speak up when asked to give my opinion on things, and God is teaching me to look for opportunities and open doors. I'm praying for better discernment and more boldness. I'm praying that as I am faithful in my actions, as I continue to cultivate the inner beauty I talked about previously, and as I learn obedience that people will be drawn to the Lord, and that my clients will experience healing. 

  Let me now challenge you to do the same... 

     Live for the Living (so that others will be drawn to God through your witness and actions)

     Dare to Be (so you can go before the Throne with no regrets)

Don't sit back and WISH you could make an impact, don't HOPE someone else tells your friends about the Lord, don't WONDER if you could have had that blessing..... In the end, we should all want to hear

WELL DONE GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT!! 

  

Cultivating Inner Beauty

I have decided that at the risk of giving myself a complex I should maybe shift from the usual numbered confession title. Ten is a pretty good number!! I will still be sharing and of course exposing the plank in my eye when I write; after all, the title of the blog is "Confessions of a Girl Set Apart", but I will not numerically title each entry from now on!! I just want to share my heart, and along the way if the Lord speaks to you or teaches you something... well to Him be the Glory!!

Ok... so on to the "good stuff"!! Over the course of the last few weeks God has slowly been breaking down all of the things I felt while in Mexico but hadn't yet sorted out. I felt so many emotions, and knew He was doing BIG stuff on the inside of me, it has been a matter of praying through it and letting Him show me and teach me!! If you remember I related the spiritual discombobulation of events to being on an operating table and being taken apart!! So now, in "physical therapy" and "recovery" it's all starting to come together!! HEALING in a sense.

So, this last week as I was reading through 1 Peter, I came across scripture that was directed at wives. I was reading in The Message, which I love just for the sake of reading, not necessarily studying the Word, and of course being in my singleness mindset, I thought, "Well, this doesn't really apply to me right now." I continued reading however, and in fact reread a few verses and felt strongly corrected in my assumption. God reminded me that though it address wives, I needed to evaluate some things in my heart.

Before I share more, here is how the scripture reads:

1 The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated 2 by your life of holy beauty. 3 What matters is not your outer appearance - the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes - 4 but your inner disposition. 5 The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. (1 Peter 3:1-5)

Let me first of all throw out a small disclaimer: I have never been a huge fashion guru and I'm not someone who freaks out if I don't have make up on.

Now, having said that... the 2 phrases that caught my attention were verses 2 and 4! "your life of holy beauty" and "your inner disposition". WOW!! I reread and reread.... do I even know what "holy beauty" means? What is my "inner disposition"? (I think I have a good one haha, but I know we are ever changing beings who always need to do better than their best)

Certainly these are not things I can cultivate on my own, but immediately I knew I wanted it!! I can be nice, no problem there, but is it who I am in the inner most part of my being? Do I emanate Christ, His love, His compassion...??

Here are a couple definitions of Disposition.

1.

the predominant or prevailing tendency of one's spirits;natural mental and emotional outlook or

mood; characteristic attitude: a girl with a pleasant disposition.

2.

state of mind regarding something; inclination

Now, having read that...I know I have work to do!! Not because I think I'm a bad person, but because I know I can do better. I want to do better. I want my witness, who I am, to be something that draws the lost to the Lord. "Natural mental AND emotional outlook"... I'm not sure that my mental AND emotional outlook are Natural!! Do I sometimes get down on myself, do I sometimes feel as though I'm not good enough, sure... When it comes to my outlook on myself physically I know that I am doing A LOT to better myself. I go to the gym, I eat healthy... I work at it... and it's paying off... I've lost 20 pounds and 3 dress sizes in a year and still going... but I know that there is more I can do to cultivate the INNER beauty as well... I can keep working on my outward appearance, but it will do me no good to look nice and tell people I love God if it is not part of my NATURAL mental and emotional outlook, my state of mind... my inner most being....

Here's to working out, not at the gym, but in my prayer closet, continuing to cultivate my inner beauty....